Story time! (As told by General)

August 10, 2008 § 6 Comments

It is story time with panda general-sama. Please grab a seat and some tissues, because Breaking Dawn is epic. Warning to all fangirls: Edward and Jacob do not sleep together cause Jacob turned Edward down for his loli fetish.

“Yeah we’re married!”
then they go on honeymoon
“lets do it again!”
“no you’re arm is broken”
“I don’t care ><”
“dude just shut up!”
“uhh i feel sick”
“what?”
“Oh woopdedoo I’m going to have a kid!”
“…….”
Almost dies cause kid starts breaking every single bone in her body cause she’s a tool. Kid is born given a ridiculously dumb name (reneesme) Jacob thinks Bella’s dead so tries to kill kid. When he sees kid he falls in love with it (wait….newborn baby…and around 18 year old guy…)
“Oh yeah…I wasn’t dead, I was turning intoa vampire…”
“it’s ok…I love your kid!”
“oh that’s great, now there won’t be vampy vs werewolf battle!”
“yeah I know!”
“Now I have to go kill something so I don’t eat you bai bai”
Edward takes Bella to go eat. They eat, and then Bella and kid are together “yeah love kid!”
Then italian vampires go “that kid is evil and dangerous we have to kill her!”
“Well thanks for taking the time to come over and try and kill my kid. Here’s a present”
italian vampires get owned because bella has special mind powers to make you unable to use powers (think njammer except…vampire jammer or geass cancellor)
So the italian vampire end up leaving for home and giving up. wait…they didn’t do anything!
Oh and while all this is happening you find out kid can send images to people’s brains by touching you with it’s cheek.
Jasper and Alice come back (wait when did they leave)
and…
trying to remember what the wiki post said…
ok edward reads bella’s mind
the end

great book. Suggest everyone who is broken like Lelouch to read it.

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§ 6 Responses to Story time! (As told by General)

  • chocho_12321 says:

    rofl pretty intense summary

  • silentxshadow says:

    hahaha nice
    …I’m not going to read the book, though.

  • Hoomoo says:

    Breaking Dawn was far from epic.
    Basically it sucked.
    You forgot to say Jacob defected from Sam.

  • person says:

    omg breaking dawn was the like best book ever how could u ever down it like that you people are aweful

  • Argon says:

    omg like breaking dawn wus lyke totally the lyke best book eva how can u down it you mean person your aweful.
    lyke they did stuffs that wasnt wat you said lyke Edward (OGEDWARDIWANTHIM) was dazzling. Bella turned prety lyke she lyke shuld be. And lyke Jake was lyke to cool 4 words lyke omg. best book eva. Stephanie Meyer is lyke my idol and lyke the bewst author in the world. The movie will be lyke the best thing eva lyke totally my fav movie of all time.

  • Chewbacca says:

    I am a friend of Argon’s. I was rather forced and pushed to read your fantastic review of Breaking Dawn that left Argon so highly meek and giggly.

    I am willing to overlook this sudden lapse of vocabulary, spelling and sentence structure in favor of the laughable summary you have placed.

    You also forgot a pivotal turn of the plot (not that it was amazingly pivotal, it was predictable) in which Alice and Jasper bring back a… spechul guest. Not surprised there. Whoo hoo.

    I bow down to you Panda General-sama. -bows- You make a good impression of Stephanie Meyer’s most laughable book to date. (Although The Host comes in an eerily close second).

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