Harem

March 27, 2009 § 2 Comments

Harems, what is it? It is a slang used to describe a phenomena where a specific character is surrounded by attractive members of the opposite gender. The Japanese slang originated from the Arabic word haram: the woman’s quarters in a polygynous household that is forbidden to men.

In light of the fact that formal is coming up, I thought it be hilarious to post a “how to” on harems.

An important thing I should mention, when I talk about the center, I mean the alpha male or the goddess who is surrounded by their circle of followers.

How to distinguish whether you are in a harem?
1. You are generally associated with the number of females or males surrounding you.
Ex: Keichii in Higurashi is the only main male character in the series.
2. You feel slightly unhappy when you’re friend talks about a specific person.
3. You feel slightly unhappy when that specific person talks to other people. (I sense possessiveness here.)
4. You get invites to the same event by different people that are usually the same gender.
5. You are eternally emo.

Number 1 and 4 are a given for those in the center. The rest are for those who are within the circle. To expand on number 5, the person may say they are depressed because of petty things such a their parents being unreasonably reasonable, or school. Don’t take those reasons seriously for they are only excuses to make you feel bad for them because of their so called “unrequited” love.

It is important to note that there are some people who are naturally boy/girl crazy. Therefore any signs of losing their potential mates will be met with annoying clingy, and emo defensive measures. I suggest not worrying about them for they are only jealous of you being in a harem, therefore automatically making you more attractive than them. However, if these kinds of people are your friends, I highly encourage you to dispose of them quickly for you will be in one hell of a guilt trip when you come back. Besides, what kind of friends act like parents? That’s right bitches, eat your face.

How to get into a harem
This is quite a hard topic because people within the harem already are probably there due to romantic interest. But it is possible.
Get the center to come after you. If the center of the harem is chasing you, then that automatically makes you part of his harem. If you are female, this task is done fairly easily. Studies show that men can fall in love in under 8.2 seconds, as long as you look attractive. In other words, if you are attractive, you’ll be part of a harem.

How to get out of a harem
1. Become Ugly.
2. Commit suicide (not a choice I would recommend.)
3. Get your own harem
4. Dedicate yourself to someone or something.

For males, it’s a matter of coming to terms with your females. You may think they are all your friends, but really they just want you to themselves. I suggest you either pick one, or pick none and clear things up.

For females, move on and find someone else or move into another harem, or become ugly.

Number 4 allows for you to focus forward instead of back, left, or right. It is one of the more reasonable and logical way of getting out of a harem.

What NOT to do is to try and bring other people into the harem. Ideally, you would want to do this to increase the circle size, and therefore making it easier for people to understand how you feel and pity you. Unfortunately, that just makes things worst because you might get sucked it too.

The dangers of a harem

Well one thing to be careful of is the circle. They can be deadly, as shown in School Days. Makoto lost his head, and some other pregnant girl got sliced over. Now I didn’t watch the show, so I can’t explain what really happened, but that was the end result. So, things can get pretty violent. It is important to stay sane, and calm and be strategic.

Also, watch out for girls with nice boats.

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§ 2 Responses to Harem

  • mle says:

    um…
    so..dispose of your friends??? XP

    how do u become ugly?

    and –>men can fall in love in under 8.2 seconds, as long as you look attractive.
    this is saddening.

  • guesswho_12321 says:

    In defense of men around the world, i think its more desire than it is falling in love.

    but WEEEEEEEE

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