April 20, 2012 § Leave a comment
It’s been so long. Since the last post, since the last time I spoke, since the last time I have posted one of these kinds of posts: the kind filled with pure fury. But, what’s intriguing about this time is that it has really been a while since I have publically voiced an opinion on one specific person. It should be known that the majority of these people I speak about, I have since dismissed all forms of communications with them, or have plans to cease communication with them. So, if you think anybody on Facebook and thinks in their tiny little ass skull: “hmm I disagree” ; go masturbate cause it already sounds like you’re fucking yourself with something (tentacle monster under your bed, or multiple vibrators.) Yes, I just made this incredibly uncomfortable for all of you to read.
Comfort is important when it comes to a home. But, when people moan and whine like this is the last night of our lives (how many times have I heard that phrase from any American pop tune?) it bugs me. It should bug other people to. That’s a discomfort. Then, when I am sticking my junk in your face and then pissing all over it; this should make you feel uncomfortable (or turned on.) If it bugs you, then it bugs me too. If I’m not apart of the conversation, I don’t need to know. Please exhibitionist, go back where you came from. The world doesn’t need to know when it’s exam period. Unfortunately, if hadn’t come to care about people, I would have just parked my butt in the library. Being social is suffering.
I have managed to avoid shitstorms for almost over a year because I adopted my personal rule. I treat you the way you want me to treat you, then I treat you the same way. I hold the most vile expectations out of you, and you continue to prove me wrong. I don’t think highly of just anyone. This is how I have approached with failed expectations since everyone is a liar. How can people expect me to be friends with them if they tell me one thing, then tell a different tale to every single other person. I don’t feel anymore special than your other friends (or what few you have) if you tailor your pretty song specific to each person. No you can’t take my money, and no you can’t ask me to pay you with attention you attention whore. How can people expect me to be friends with them when they want to succeed in ruining my already ruined life just because they were curious? Curiousity and worry are NOT the same thing. If you worry about someone, you help them out regardless of how retarded, and mentally degrading it is. If you’re curious on the other hand, you’re just asking for a death sentence because now the ENTIRE WORLD has their wheels spinning and sucks up attention. The mind blowing part is I end up being the center of the black hole. Not the attention whore. Only Flay in Gundam SEED thinks in this way. Flay purposely goes out of her way to manipulate Kira’s feelings so that he constantly feels guilty, so that he constantly is pressured to make it up to her. She simply dropped Sai and jumped Kira’s ship in a span of an episode just mere episodes after Kira failed to protect her father from getting killed in action. She even gave up her virginity to him so that he is now physically responsible for her. Sai obviously doesn’t take this for very long and goes to confront her. From Cagalli’s standpoint, Sai was just being a desperate creep who doesn’t know when to back down when a girl says no. Then Kira comes in acting almighty because he’s more emo than the rest of them, and that they don’t care about his feelings except Flay. Now Sai just looks like a sore loser and everyone around him is just telling him to give up and go figure his shit out. Kira obviously develops a lot of issues because he’s such an innocent and kind hearted hero. In summary, within a span of 3-4 episodes Flay has lost her father, dumped Sai, and fucked Kira. THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THIS HORRIBLE WOMAN.
Screaming and fighting isn’t the answer, but sometimes it feels like it would have been the most effective. Sure, I’ll destroy you and make your life miserable, but that’s when I can afford to bite karma in the face. My life is ruined and it just keeps getting worst, like I can handle having my friends (even if I hate some of them) go against me when I need them the most. Does not mean I just let things slide. I admit, I screwed myself over in doing so. I am not going to disclose how because that’s how this situation started. I hated myself for not saying anything before. Nobody even bothered to listen to me when I even said anything anyway (nbd, jerkface and creeps were a huge waste of my time.) As of current, I hate myself for saying too much. Just because I expect shit to happen on a daily basis, doesn’t mean I will act like it’s nbd; especially when it’s foiling my plots and making things unnecessarily turbulent. All the layers of my life is just converging and folding over in one spot. I really don’t appreciate it, especially when I was making such good progress. Oh, how things have overcomplicated themselves with time. So, I keep being vague, but not shut my mouth.
This is my withdrawl letter. I’m raising the white flag. Feel free to keep chirping little bird cause I don’t care about my dumb ideas. I don’t care what anyone thinks. I don’t care if it’s my loss. Who needs love and friends? I’ll just replace you all with cats. Happiness is fairly cheap for me. When I die from an unplanned suicide (ie an accident) you’re all going to get the last laughs.
I feel like I’m the greatest person in the world, but feeling kind of stupid because I have an exam still tonight. This really messes with my mind.