Cause you need another of these

April 20, 2012 § Leave a comment

It’s been so long. Since the last post, since the last time I spoke, since the last time I have posted one of these kinds of posts: the kind filled with pure fury. But, what’s intriguing about this time is that it has really been a while since I have publically voiced an opinion on one specific person. It should be known that the majority of these people I speak about, I have since dismissed all forms of communications with them, or have plans to cease communication with them. So, if you think anybody on Facebook and thinks in their tiny little ass skull: “hmm I disagree” ; go masturbate cause it already sounds like you’re fucking yourself with something (tentacle monster under your bed, or multiple vibrators.) Yes, I just made this incredibly uncomfortable for all of you to read.

Comfort is important when it comes to a home. But, when people moan and whine like this is the last night of our lives (how many times have I heard that phrase from any American pop tune?) it bugs me. It should bug other people to. That’s a discomfort. Then, when I am sticking my junk in your face and then pissing all over it; this should make you feel uncomfortable (or turned on.) If it bugs you, then it bugs me too. If I’m not apart of the conversation, I don’t need to know. Please exhibitionist, go back where you came from. The world doesn’t need to know when it’s exam period. Unfortunately, if hadn’t come to care about people, I would have just parked my butt in the library. Being social is suffering.

I have managed to avoid shitstorms for almost over a year because I adopted my personal rule.  I treat you the way you want me to treat you, then I treat you the same way. I hold the most vile expectations out of you, and you continue to prove me wrong. I don’t think highly of just anyone. This is how I have approached with failed expectations since everyone is a liar. How can people expect me to be friends with them if they tell me one thing, then tell a different tale to every single other person. I don’t feel anymore special than your other friends (or what few you have) if you tailor your pretty song specific to each person. No you can’t take my money, and no you can’t ask me to pay you with attention you attention whore. How can people expect me to be friends with them when they want to succeed in ruining my already ruined life just because they were curious? Curiousity and worry are NOT the same thing. If you worry about someone, you help them out regardless of how retarded, and mentally degrading it is. If you’re curious on the other hand, you’re just asking for a death sentence because now the ENTIRE WORLD has their wheels spinning and sucks up attention. The mind blowing part is I end up being the center of the black hole. Not the attention whore. Only Flay in Gundam SEED thinks in this way. Flay purposely goes out of her way to manipulate Kira’s feelings so that he constantly feels guilty, so that he constantly is pressured to make it up to her. She simply dropped Sai and jumped Kira’s ship in a span of an episode just mere episodes after Kira failed to protect her father from getting killed in action. She even gave up her virginity to him so that he is now physically responsible for her. Sai obviously doesn’t take this for very long and goes to confront her. From Cagalli’s standpoint, Sai was just being a desperate creep who doesn’t know when to back down when a girl says no. Then Kira comes in acting almighty because he’s more emo than the rest of them, and that they don’t care about his feelings except Flay. Now Sai just looks like a sore loser and everyone around him is just telling him to give up and go figure his shit out. Kira obviously develops a lot of issues because he’s such an innocent and kind hearted hero. In summary, within a span of 3-4 episodes Flay has lost her father, dumped Sai, and fucked Kira. THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THIS HORRIBLE WOMAN.

Screaming and fighting isn’t the answer, but sometimes it feels like it would have been the most effective. Sure, I’ll destroy you and make your life miserable, but that’s when I can afford to bite karma in the face. My life is ruined and it just keeps getting worst, like I can handle having my friends (even if I hate some of them) go against me when I need them the most. Does not mean I just let things slide. I admit, I screwed myself over in doing so. I am not going to disclose how because that’s how this situation started. I hated myself for not saying anything before. Nobody even bothered to listen to me when I even said anything anyway (nbd, jerkface and creeps were a huge waste of my time.) As of current, I hate myself for saying too much. Just because I expect shit to happen on a daily basis, doesn’t mean I will act like it’s nbd; especially when it’s foiling my plots and making things unnecessarily turbulent. All the layers of my life is just converging and folding over in one spot. I really don’t appreciate it, especially when I was making such good progress. Oh, how things have overcomplicated themselves with time. So, I keep being vague, but not shut my mouth.

This is my withdrawl letter. I’m raising the white flag. Feel free to keep chirping little bird cause I don’t care about my dumb ideas. I don’t care what anyone thinks. I don’t care if it’s my loss. Who needs love and friends? I’ll just replace you all with cats. Happiness is fairly cheap for me. When I die from an unplanned suicide (ie an accident) you’re all going to get the last laughs.

I feel like I’m the greatest person in the world, but feeling kind of stupid because I have an exam still tonight. This really messes with my mind.

藍天群青

April 14, 2011 § Leave a comment

How can the others face somebody not able to face his own self? Other people must disdain a person who has no interests even in his own self.

Exerpt from Shige’s mini essay. Can be found here

Happy Birthday

March 25, 2011 § Leave a comment

Yuki had been waiting for Kino at the entrance to the music building with anxious anticipation. As their eyes met, he could only sense her heavy mood hang over her. With a sigh, he held his determination to lift her spirits. It was all up to him in the end. Yuki held his hand outstretched, hopefully to prompt Kino with some sort of surprised reaction.
“I’ll carry your things.”

Kino slowed down her footsteps to a halt and stood before Yuki. She gripped her tote bag tightly in her dry hands, her cheeks puffing in and out. She’s grown accustomed to her rather large circle of friends that it was nerve wracking when it was just the two of them.

Yuki noticed her unease and smirked. (What a tease.)
“Would you rather I carry you instead?”
“That’s highly unnecessary prince charming,” she sneered. Anything but that, she thought after letting her imagination loose first. She then placed her bag in his outstretched hand. Upon accepting his kind gesture, she began walking out into the winter wonderland ahead of him.
“How was New York?”
“Crowded, as usual.”
“I wasn’t expecting to see you today. Did you just arrive in Klinton today?”
“I was back mid afternoon.”
“So just after class ended.”
“Pretty much.”
After catching up to Kino’s strides, he leaned forward and got a quick look at her expression.
“How was your day?”
“Good.”

Silence.

“You know, if you’re busy, you don’t have to keep me company.
“That’d make me a terrible friend Kino! I even missed your sweet sixteen last year.”
“I’m supposed to be happy on my birthday. No point being pouty because Mr. Pelletier doesn’t attend whatever birthday surprise ends up being planned.”
“Oh and who was the one who cried about me leaving?”
“Th-that was ages ago! I was a child in grade school. Besides, I’m not that lonely of a person you know. For your information, Keith made me a cake; Mayu and Nadako said they were going to have dinner with me tomorrow…; Eric got me a birthday present too! Can you guess what it is? I’ll tell you! It’s the limited edition concert DVD of one of Yuja Wang’s performances! I couldn’t believe he got me something but he did! I’m so excited to go home and watch it.”
“You’re only saying that cause I’m here~”
“Shut up.”
“You know it’s true.”

A moment of silence passed between the two of them. To Kino, it felt like ages since she had the opportunity to speak to Yuki. It was unnerving (especially since he just read her like an open book.) When did it become so difficult to initiate the smallest of conversation? Was this what it was like to become distant with someone you were so close with before? As Kino held her head low, she noticed Yuki’s bare hands. Her hand slipped into his, and her mittens folded over his frozen fingers.
“Your fingers are going to freeze off,” she mumbled with genuine sincerity.

Feeling the warmth return to his fingers, he grasp her hand gently; his fingers enclosing hers. It surprised Kino to discover how large his hands really were and for some reason, it comforted her.
“You’re really kind Kino.”
“Hmph! J-Just wear gloves next time! Someone like you should be able to afford something like that right?”
“Why would I do that when I could have you to keep my hands warm for free?”
Kino looked away with flustered irritation. It has been a while since she had Yuki’s entire attention; she almost forgotten how much of a tease he was.

Another awkward pause. Another moment of hesitation.

Yuki knew he was pushing it, but how could he contain the torrents of emotion that beat inside his heart? He couldn’t. He didn’t mean to tease, but it was the only way he could keep her at comfortable distance from him. He feared the Kino at present would not take him seriously. After all, she was already so involved with Eric. Yet, jealousy always got the better of him. For the time being, he just wants to leave a lasting impression on her, unaware of all consequences.

Upon arriving at the school, their hands fell to their own side, as if nothing happened. Yuki sighed, releasing the tension inside of him before turning to hand Kino’s bag to her when he saw that smile creep up on her face. It was unexpectedly refreshing. Was this a dream sequence?
“Are your hands warm?”
“Not this one.”
“Go like this!” Kino crossed her arms and pressed her hands against her armpits, “or you can sit on them. That works too.”
Yuki mimicked Kino and the two of them burst into laughter.
“I was kidding Kino.”
“I was as well. But it was worth seeing you look stupid.”
“You’re so cute. Wanna go to the roof?”
“No surprise party?”
“Nah. Mayu thought it be better if we spent a little time together.”
“Really?” she spoke with a hint of disappointment. She didn’t mind Yuki. But in all honesty, she would have preferred to have spent time with Eric. She was modest though, and grateful that he even thought of her as to so much present her with a gift.
“Yeah…”
“It has been a while. Will you be alright staying out this late? My lesson did go on for a while.”
“Don’t worry about it. I told you I was free didn’t I?”

Walking through the maze of hallways, Kino felt the awkward distance between them before disappear. Everything returned back to how it was just a couple years ago. Just talking to him brought a wave of nostalgic memories to her mind. She began to skip down the hallway, enticing Yuki to follow her.

“Neh, neh, Yuki! Remember that old melody I played when we were just kids? I’ve been trying to compose it into a full scale composition. Will you listen to it when I’m done?”
“Sure. I’d love to hear it!”
“Yeah~! I’ve gotten a lot better since the last time you heard me.”
“You better be. I’m expecting to see your name in the newspapers any day now!”
“Yuki, your expectations of me are a little too high for something that’s short term.”
“I’m just teasing.”
Kino got quiet again before turning around. She had a look of a curious cat.
“So when are you going back to New York?
“This weekend. Did you want anything?”
“Uh…food!”
“Haha, I’d have to take you with me in that case.”
“Why don’t you?”
“I don’t think my grandmother would approve of me carrying around extra baggage.”
“Baggage?! I’ll have you know I’m 95 pounds! That’s underweight apparently!”
“Not like being underweight is a bad thing now that everyone is overweight right?”
“That’s right!”
“I’m more worried about how heavy you’ll be from just one weekend of nonstop eating.”
“You calling me a cow?”
“Yes.”
“Why you!”
Kino dashed to Yuki and gave him a good smack in the arm.
“Ow! That hurts! Jeez! If you’re worried about not being able to move, I’ll just carry you!”
“Oh so you agree, I’m just baggage?!”
“No that’s not what I mean! Gah! Don’t hurt me!”
Kino towered over the cowering Yuki. Her death glare was a force not to be reckoned with. Of course she couldn’t keep serious for long.
“Bahaha! Ow my stomach hurts hahaha!”
Kino roared with laughter, holding herself as her abs constricted. The butterflies in Kino’s stomach began to flutter because of the happiness that welled up inside her. All this from just having Yuki be with her on the day she dreaded the most for so long. It doesn’t seem all that strange anymore.

“You know Yuki…I’ve never liked my birthday. But it’s so strange. I remember the old times we were together. I wasn’t truly happy then, but now it seems different.”
“I’m glad Kino. I’m really glad. I was starting to think you didn’t need me as a friend anymore after that last punch.”
“I don’t think that’s how friends work Yuki.”

Yuki was fully aware from just watching her prance about enthusiastically. Her smile illuminated her face from the dim hall lamps. He never grew tired of it. He just wished he could cherish and protect it. Nonetheless, Yuki felt like he just accomplished something by making Kino laugh: it was an achievement in itself let alone making her smile. He felt more confident in his feelings towards her and his resolve to keep that age old promise he made back in grade school.

Eventually the two of them reached the top of the staircase to the roof. She let Yuki pass her as she was conscious that she was still wearing the school uniform’s skirt. As she climbed the ladder, she saw the hand stretched out to her. Without hesitation, she took it and was led out into the starry night.

At the top of a building, Kino looked at the stars in awe. She raced across the fresh snow, laying tracks in it.
“And you thought today would be another boring day,” he said, trying to follow the gaze of her dark brown eyes to the stars, but her giggle was what captivated his attention away from the stars.
“I really don’t know if I even deserve to be this happy, but I am. It’s so unusual…”
“You smiling so much in one day is strange,” he turned around, grinning at her with that smile that always made her turn red. He then motioned for her to come closer to him. Kino curiously returned to his side. She innocently stared up at his face, causing his hand to shake as he fumbled through his pockets.
“This is for you.”
Kino saw the necklace that lay in his hand. The chain was gold, and the main pendent was heart shaped with a glimmering diamond like stone. He unclipped the clasp that joined the chain together as she stood there staring in shock.
“But…I can’t accept this! Didn’t that cost a lot? I didn’t even ask you to get my anything.Well, I never do. Still!”
“Just take it.”
“But…”
He put it around her neck before Kino could say another word. Still not sure, she held it up to her face. The diamond heart pendant gleamed in the moonlight.
“Indecisive as ever. You don’t really change do you?” he chuckled.
Kino looked up at him, not sure what to think (there seems to be a trend here.) She was just happy.
“What? What’s with that look? I actually picked this one out myself. Without Mayu’s help this time! See it’s really similar to the one in the manga right? Or are you surprised that I remembered? Idiot~ It’s been 6 years; I should know when your birthday is. Besides, aren’t you supposed to be “Happy” when it’s your birthday?”
“I am really happy,” she laughed, “Thank you. I’ll treasure it with all my heart.”
Yuki blushed, his hand on the side of his head, ruffled with his golden hair. He himself turned slightly trying to cover up his embarrassment. He quickly convinced himself to be confident, and so he spoke again, “You must have noticed it as well: we’re drifting apart slowly but surely. I know I already told you this but, I’m going to work hard to keep my promise to you anyway. If you’re ever hurt or sad, just call me. I know I tease you a lot; I know I ask for your help a lot; I know I’m not as good as Eric but I don’t want us to just fall out of being friends.”
Thump! Thump! Thump! Kino could feel something beat inside her. She’s only ever had this feeling with Eric so it couldn’t be a heart though, could it? It was as if Yuki’s monologue was working her up, trying to get her to anticipate what comes next. She didn’t want to think too much into it but she was conscious now.

“Happy Birthday Kino.”

A dream

December 12, 2008 § Leave a comment

Chapter 0: Aruarian Dance
Kino watched old friends reunites after the long summer vacation. She began reading her book, ignoring the rest of the class, as they ignored her. The teacher entered the room, and silence grew from the loud chattering.
“Good morning everyone.”
“Good morning.”
“My name is Mrs.—“
All sound was faded as Kino stared out the window, away from her book. Again, this year she sat at the back of the class near the windows, with nobody. Watching the squirrels, the leaves fall, and the wind blow through the trees before returning to the world hidden within her book.
“This year we have a new student.”
“Eh?”
“He just moved in the city with his aunt so please give him a warm welcome.”
The teacher turned around and motioned for the boy to enter the classroom. Without even having to enter, the entire class became his fan.
“Everyone, please settle down!”
The eruption dispersed and calmed down.
“Hello. I’m Yuki. I’m 11 years old and I just moved from New York City to Klinton. I hope to have a fun year with everyone!”
“Ok, Yuki you can sit…hmmm”
Everyone tried to make room for him at their table and yet in the end, “With Kino, at the back. If you can’t see the board, let me know.”
“I’ll be fine.” He said with a smile before walking to the back of the room and taking his spot. Kino looked through Yuki, as she heard the whispers.
“The monster?”
“No way!”
“How could she do that? Poor Yuki.”
“Why the monster?”
Monster, Monster, Monster
“So today, you’ll be receiving your agenda books and schedules. Also, I’ll be expecting first day of school reflection journals by the end of the week—“
Blah, blah, blah Kino thought as everything turned to mush and she grew bored of the story.
“You’re Kino, right?”
Kino looked at the boy that sat across from her through the corner of her eyes. Her eyes focused outside at the green grass and the schools outdoor swimming pool again, having no interest in being friendly with the boy.
“Why don’t you go sit at the other table over there? They seem to be calling you.”
She said not taking her eyes off the green grass, yet somehow knowing the kids at the other table were signalling Yuki to the other table.
“Wouldn’t you get lonely?”
She tilted her head back, to glance at him wondering what he was talking about. The boy just smiled at her. Kino eyes blinked, and then she turned her body around to observe him with a puzzled face.

The heat from summer didn’t leave the air as Kino sat under the shady tree with a juice box. Peacefully sitting there watching Yuki. He kicked the soccer ball, the goalie misses, and the girls swarm around him. Kino bit her straw and gnawed on it, irritated.
“Pathetic.”
A familiar laugh and fearful cries reached her ears, and the juice box in her hand was crushed.
“Hey kid, do you know who we are? We are the PB&J.”
“So hand over that Kingdom Card.”
“No way! This is a rare card, you can’t take it!”
“Too bad.”
The biggest of the group of brutes walked passed the two boys and then stood in front of frightened boy like a pillar, swiping the card away from the boy as if the boy wasn’t even holding it.
“Wait! That’s mine!”
The boy quickly tried to retrieve his belonging but the brute threw him easily to the side.
“Take care of him.”
“Yes boss!”
And so the beating began. The boy called for his friends, but they all stood frozen. The girls hiding behind a tree for they were too scared what would happen to them if they told the teacher.
“So its you guys again.”
“Huh?”
“Hey you! Give the card back and stop trying to hog all the attention.”
Heads turned, as Kino stood there with her arms crossed, tapping her foot in agitation.
“Monster…”
“It’s mine.”
“I hate people who try to be sarcastic.”
“sarcas–what? Are you trying to make fun of us?!”
“Dumb pig, why would I waste my time trying to insult you? Now give back the card.”
“What did you call me?!”
The boss of the trio clenched his fist, crumpling the card at the same time, before running at her. The other two followed.
“Don’t touch me.”
She said brushing the boys off.
“Why you little monster!”
The pig then grabbed onto her arm and Kino retaliated by punching him in the face, while she tried to pull herself free from his grasp.
“I said don’t touch me!”
The boys let go of their conscious and the beating began
“Hehe! This is what you get for not listening to us.”
“Yeah monster.”
Kino tried to retaliate, and yet it was obvious how futile it was.
“Stop it!”
The fatty dropped Kino and they all turned around to see Yuki. Kino lying there on the ground tried to get up, her face bruised.
“…boss!”
“Pft, lets go.”
The bullies started walking away while the others followed.
“Wait boss! What about the monster?”
“Leave her to the new kid. We’ll get her after school.”
All three of them, their voices now mumble jumble as they walked further and further from Yuki and Kino.
She gasped, putting everything she’s got to push herself up and sit up before trying to stand up.
“What are you doing?”
“Leave me alone.”
She said angrily as she glared at the three of them, she swayed back and forth. Yuki quickly stood next to her, making sure she wouldn’t fall.
“Oie! You shouldn’t go after them.”
“Why not?”
“Fighting doesn’t solve the problem.”
He said, and was about to support her when her arm extended out and smacked him away.
“I’m just trying to help!”
“Don’t!”
“Fine Fine.”
As her back was turned to Yuki, she said, “I don’t need your kindness.”

Kino put her book into her backpack before she looked out from her corner and watched all the kids rush up to their parents and smiled cheerfully. All she heard was “Yuki this.” “Yuki that”.

The comforting silence fell as the chatter disappeared. Kino sighed in relief, yet disappointment and the class teacher came up to her.
“Since Yuki is new will you be his buddy for the week?”
“Sure.”
“Just so that the transition into a new school is easier.”
“Yeah”
“I told him this earlier so he should know about it. Maybe you could use this opportunity to become friends with him.”
“I have to go now.”
“Ok, have a good rest of the day.”

Mother Nature was playing tricks, as the clouds rolled in, and the sky cried, prompting Kino to pull out her umbrella. Kino saw the boy from lunch break but knew not to expect any gratitude and stepped into the rain.
“Hey that sucks Kevin.”
“Yeah, the monster totally ruined your card didn’t she?”
“Seriously what’s her problem. Because of her my card got destroyed.”
“She’s just trying to look good.”
Splash, splash splash. Kino walked all the way to the school fence until the PB&J trio from earlier stepped out in their designer brand rain jackets, looking big and mighty yet so small like insects.
“You’re blocking the way.”
“Do you know who we are girl?!”
“We are the PB&J gang!”
“And you don’t mess with us.”
“I already know who you are. You’re named after that sandwich. Plus I don’t eat PB and J so there shouldn’t be a mess in the first place.”
“Don’t get smart on us!”
“Why because you’re all stupid?”
“Grab her!”
The two boys came running at her, and she quickly swung her umbrella and managed to divert them to the side. However, that only worked for a short while, before they managed to twist it inside out, and break the plastic that held it together.
“Hey, you broke my umbrella!”
“And now we’re going to break you!”
Full of rage, she strikes back and began unleashing the demon inside of her. But three against one put her at a disadvantage. While trying to avoid a punch, she tripped. Scrapping her knee, and twisting her ankle. She quickly tried to get up, but she was immobilized and thus sat back preparing to watch herself get beaten. The boy grabbed her face with his ugly stubby fingers, and drew back his arm like a trigger.
“Any last words?”
Kino looked at him with no fear, no anger, and no feelings, as if she was used to being treated this way.
“What’s….wrong with you? Say something!” He said squishing her face and violently shook her. Kino felt her neck was about to snap but she didn’t say anything.
“Monster!” The boy released the trigger and his fist was about to make contact with her face. Yet time froze, his fist stopped in front of her face. Suddenly, she could hear the rain again, the comforting silence brought her back into focus. The fist slowly retreated away from her face and she saw Yuki, his hand gripped around his arm like a snake constricting its prey.
“Let go of her.”
The boy quickly let go of Kino and backed away, yet was trapped within his prey’s grip.
“Where did you come from?” One of the boys whispered. Yuki ignored the question.
“Will you guys leave her alone?”
He spoke to them with a serious tone. As if he was a different person. But Kino looked at him and felt a warm glow radiate from him.
“Hey, don’t be mad. I know, I’ll let you join our group. Yeah…” the boy bribed Yuki, but saw his pathetic reflection in Yuki’s golden stare.
“I’m the smartest person around! Those two just follow my orders. They listen to whatever I say. That’s right, they’re a bunch of idiots! Wait! No I mean—this girl is a monster! She just sits there and doesn’t do anything. Everyone should just listen to me.” Yuki hand tensed up and the boy yelped in pain. The two boys who loyally followed their “boss” looked at him and slowly lost their respect for him.They then fearfully ran from the scene.
“Where are you going?! You guys, what about PB and J!?”
The two boys walked away from their defeated boss and didn’t turn when he called out to them.
“If I were you, I’d listen to your lackeys. They seem to know a lot more about what’s right and what’s wrong then you.”
“You’re wrong! I’m the smartest kid in the school!”
“Last time I checked, you are repeating a grade this year.”
“That’s…That’s because it’s her fault!”
“Don’t bring her into this.”
Kino watched Yuki and noticed the serious look on his face. The boy noticed this too. Yuki let go of the lone bully’s arm. Unsure what to do the boy ran screaming.
Yuki then grabbed his umbrella, which was tossed onto the floor, and held it over Kino, who was soaking wet.
“Thank…you…” she said shivering, not sure what else to say.
“Are you ok?”
“Yeah,” she said before standing up to quickly. She froze as the pain from her ankle exploded. Kino fell back down just as quickly as she stood up and placed her hand on her ankle and held it, but the light pressure from her hand sent jolts of pain throughout her body.
“You’re ankle, is it twisted? Ah, you’re knee is bleeding… Uhh…”
Yuki then looked inside his back, the umbrella not moving from its place over Kino’s head. He held out a plastic wrapped shirt and she looked at him confused.
“For your knee, ah let me do it. Hold this.”
He handed Kino the umbrella and he ripped the package open. He gently tied the shirt around her knee and smiled at his neat workmanship.
“There. I’ll help you stand,” he said taking her hand and waited for her. Kino now standing upright, one hand placed on his shoulder, one hand holding his hand. She then noticed his hair and eyes were more gold then she thought.
“Can you walk?”
“I can try…”
She took a step forward and started to shake.
“Not good. How heavy are you?”
“I don’t know…”
“How far is your house?”
“Pretty far…”
“Uhhh,” Yuki moaned while handing her the umbrella again before he lowered himself so that Kino could get on his back.
“Get on.”
Kino blinked before she wrapped her arms around his neck. Yuki hoisted her up onto his back and she held on tightly.
“Hey, you’re really light.”
“Shut up,” she said leaning against his warm back, something melted inside her.

“So I guess, I’m going to have to be your buddy right? I mean taking you around school and stuff. You probably won’t be able to walk for the next two days,” Yuki joked. He then went on a tangent but Kino was too tired to keep up with him. More like she was lost in her own detour. Yuki paused and he curiously frowned before he commented, “You’re being awfully quiet. Well actually, you’re usually quiet but how should I put this…”
“I’m not telling you to leave me alone?”
“Yeah kind of- I don’t know a word for that so we’ll just leave it as that.”
“Why are you being so nice?”
“Me nice?” Yuki responded, unaware of his own kindness. Kino sighed in annoyance at his naïveté.
“Normally, people wouldn’t offer piggy backs to someone who can’t walk,” she informed him.
“But if I didn’t you wouldn’t be able to go home,” he responded easily. Kino was suspicious, she had been convinced that nobody is genuinely kind to a stranger, let alone treat her kindly enough to even carry her back home. Yet…
“What about you’re parents? Aren’t they going to be worried if you come home late?” She inquired frustrated at the simple answer he gave her.
“I should be asking you that. Aren’t your parents going to be worried if you couldn’t come home?”
Kino was irritated, and the fact that he brought up her parents irritated her exponentially for she hated the person who was legally her mother.
“Hey, why is it that you’re always by yourself?” Yuki asked, his question rang in Kino’s ear and cleared up her emotions.
“Huh?”
“Like today, every time I see you, you’re either getting mulled by those guys, or sitting by yourself.”
“’Cause I’m not important…”
“That doesn’t make sense,” Yuki argued back at Kino, “That doesn’t mean you have to be by yourself. Humans can’t live by themselves you know, so we have to stick together.”

Look at her. She thinks she’s so cute, with that dress, and her stuffed animal. I know! Being nice to everyone, it makes me sick. Did you see Daniel yesterday? He was bruised apparently because she kicked and punched him. You mean she was beating him up? Yeah! Scary…I hope the PB and J gang get her. She’s a monster, a monster, a monster, a monster.
Monster!

Why are my eyes so watery? What’s going on?” Kino thought to herself.
“No matter what I do, they all look at me like I’m some kind of alien, as if I’m the boogie man from under their beds. I’m a monster.”
“I’ve only just met you today. But you aren’t a monster. Besides, just because everyone else thinks you’re a monster, doesn’t mean you are one. Everyone else is a monster. Kino, I think you’re really cool. So don’t go calling yourself that anymore.”
Kino listened to everything he said and even the silent pause that followed. Slowly she had tears forming on the edge of her eyes.
“I’m…crying?” She said surprised, almost shocked. Just like Mother Nature, Kino’s heart was playing tricks on her and the teardrops began to roll down her cheeks.
“Wait, serious?!”
Kino had more tears come out of her eyes, as the warmth from his kindness totally diminishes her to tears that she didn’t know she had.
“Sorry! I didn’t mean to make you cry. Kino?”
For the first time in a while someone called her name. She buried her face into the back of his shoulders, her embrace around his neck tighter. Yuki stopped walking and stood there under the rain looking up at the sky. This was the beginning.

A monster, I always felt that way…except when I’m around him. It’s as if I’m dreaming.

Copy & Paste

September 30, 2008 § Leave a comment

A response to a friend

I’ll just make new friends
It’s not that hard
talk to the person next door, you don’t like them, don’t talk to them
if they don’t like you and you don’t talk to them, then you have a mutual connection there

Even if i stay here…
it’s not like it can be the same
everyone goes their own way, even if they are staying home, it’s not like you can see them everyday in the halls unless they are in the same classes as you which I highly doubt
but everyone is moving forward so I shouldn’t drag them behind because i don’t want people to leave, or because I’m going to feel lonely.
that’s why you should become closer or stay as close as possible while we still can T T
so that when we all leave, we all know that we’ll see each other again
I don’t want to leave like when i left my elementary school, not sure I’ll see everyone again

so that is my long rant to I don’t know what

Only one talking

September 16, 2008 § 4 Comments

I noticed this a long time ago, but whenever I’m talking to friends, I’m usually the only one talking. Makes me feel like my “rants” are rather boring. So then I end up talking more because I’m trying to get them to say something in response to what I’m saying, but in the end it never happens and I just get left unheard…most of the time (this could also explain my abnormally loud voice.) Then I start wondering if I’m an annoying person, but then I realized that I already know that I’m an annoying person because my train of thoughts don’t usually stop, and creates a really long run on sentence. So then I get annoyed at the fact that these people do not respond, when they know I don’t plan on changing my typing patterns because it’s how I think (I think this is how I get 500 words/min speeds on that typing game.) But then I don’t want to get people angry because I’m angry at them for annoying me because I want to talk to them, even though it’s just me spewing out trivial stuff about anime, yamapi or NEWS, or emo asian topics that get everyone emo. So the true intentions of my rants are to try and engage in an interesting conversation, yet I always end up bothering the people on the other end because they never respond, so I have no idea if they (my friends) are getting everything and reading it. So recently I have decided to try something new and try prompting questions such as “how are you?” and “what are you doing?” but those questions get boring quickly, and also that isn’t really a conversation. Then I reflected a bit longer and wanted to ask if they actually read most of my rants? Most of them would probably answer “Hell no!” cause it be a waste of time, but I wonder if there is someone out there who listens to everything I say? Cause it’s one thing to not respond, but it’s an entirely different thing to not bother listening.

If someone made it this far, then that’s cool.

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