心壊サミット

November 5, 2011 § Leave a comment

November 27- It was his birthday. Yuki looked into the mirror and stared at his reflection. His thoughts were in mid dialogue with himself. The big item on his agenda today was attending his birthday party hosted by his family’s corporation. Normally he wouldn’t have been able to see Kino at these types of events. So his anxiety intensified when he heard she would be performing as the salon pianist at the reception. How giddy he was, the maids and butlers truly thought it was the first time he was joyous about his birthday. It lifted everyone’s spirits.

Eric stood behind Kino who cheerfully played melodies one after another in the large hall while decor staffs were changing curtains, table cloths, and seat covers.
His arms were crossed so that her songs did not move him. He was pleased at the results, having been the one who made her appearance in such a setting possible. He almost wanted Yuki to call him a wizard. But that would be pushing it given their current relationship was on rocky ground. He didn’t mind because it was according to plan.

Kino was chirpy; she was ecstatic that she could play on Yuki’s birthday. She ensured that her playlist for the night was to perfection with this rehearsal on the very piano she will be partnering up with. Music: a suitable gift, since he was the one who told her to pursue her dream.

“Sounds good.”

“Mmm!” she nodded in agreement.

“It’s almost noon. Shall we have lunch?”

“Alright.”

Eric passed her a sandwich before sitting next to her and devouring his own.

“I was worried this whole friend thing wasn’t gonna work out, but I’m liking the set up.”

Honest! Eric did enjoy the atmosphere now. The only friends he’s had were what Kino would have called superficial. He was pleasantly surprised to learn what a real friendship was from what he thought was a simple girl who had a crush on him.

Kino laughed at the comment. Oh the irony. She felt like two months ago was a long time because it’s really has only been two months since then.

“I’ve got a confession.”

“Little bit late now. Don’t you think?”

“Not of that kind. Neh, Eric. This might sound strange but, you remind me of my father. Ha, you think it’s silly…Maybe it was your looks; your guiding presence; endearing mannerism. After that night, I think I understood: you were this convoluted entity; the identity of this illusion that I admired for the past couple of years was my father.”
Kino took a good look at Eric when she made her comment. Yes, she was not wrong. The two were very similar. Her father had more fidelity though.

“You’d call that an Electra Complex…Heh, I’m quite flattered Kino. So, what about Yuki then? Don’t turn away from me. Your ears are giving you away. I know the two of you have been in a state of friendship for almost half your lives. You probably know him so well that he stands out. Am I right?”

“Yuki…yes, we’re just friends. It’s only natural…I don’t really get what you’re trying to ask.”

Eric sighed. Kino really was enigmatic and he wanted to know how far her water’s reached. But, he didn’t want to directly ask a girl if she liked someone. Especially since it has not been that long since their own incident had happened.

“I don’t want to be selfish. So, as long as Yuki is happy, I don’t mind (regretting). Besides, it’s not like anything will change. I’m not going to sacrifice all my hard work and throw a hissy fit just because he’s giving the cold shoulder. That would be retarded. We’re friends. I have confidence that things will work out.”

“And you haven’t sold me. You’r eloquence does nothing. You may be able to sell Mayu and Nadako twisted mental strength as selflessness, but I’m not as nice of a friend as they are or Yuki. Don’t you think you’re misleading yourself, Kino? I’d hate to see you implode because I have seen it happen many times before. You know…”

“…with your experience as a playboy. Let me ask you…if you’re a playboy, then why are you being so particular with me then? Is it because I’m the loner type?”

“Dotting, you? Maybe. Can I not be intrigued by your peculiarities or is that solely Yuki’s job? I see, so there’s a limit as to how much I’m supposed to care? You’re trying to change the subject aren’t you?”

“And so what if I am? I’d like to think I’m still confident in myself to make my own decisions. I’d like think things are still worth trying. At the very least, I don’t want our friendship to fall apart because I am being selfish.”

“Ha, what is this? Got bored causing trouble? You’re think it’s just another troublesome task, a burden. You’re underestimating the situation. I want to call you a coward. It’s really bizarre: solitude versus lonliness.”

“I never try to cause trouble…I hope not. I just…it’s the right thing to do.“
Kino was bothered by Eric’s comments. She knew he was being honest, so she took those words to heart. She knew what Eric was trying to imply and it just kept making her feel sick.

Yuki loosened his white tie so he could breath as he walked through the conference area, away from the majestic hotel foyer. He had hoped he would not get caught wandering around but then the elevator doors opened.
“My boy! Happy Birthday. You’re 18 now. I must say, you’ve aged quite nicely over the years.”
“Thank you for the compliments Sir Odin.”
“I can’t help but worry about you youngin’s turning old like me, haha! So I hear the Bloomsbury girl is to attend tonight. That’s been the gossip going around in the family. Jesus, adults these days…meddling in youth. It makes me feel 10 years older when you act all stiff with me.That girl’s parents…very difficult to persuade. It’s a miracle the CEO announced dropping the idea of partnering together. Yet, they still want you boy. She must really have a thing for you!”
Yuki sighed at the obvious, “I’m well aware.”
“Well as I always say, treat woman like fine wine and they will linger. This is why you always smell your wine before tasting.”
“I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you for the advice,” Yuki said sarcastically. Not really taking anything his uncle says seriously. He checked his watched underneath his shirt sleeve, hoping his timing isn’t too off.
“Sorry, I must be on my way.”
“Where on Earth are you headed? Most of the guests will be here any minute now.”
“I wish to give my gratitude to the pianist before the reception starts.”
Yuki knew that as soon as the first guest stepped through the door, he would have to greet and mingle. There just wouldn’t be enough time to take a couple of minutes to chat with Kino. He didn’t want to appear to obvious of his intentions to his uncle so he continued, “It just doesn’t feel right if I don’t personally thank the individuals. Plus, sometimes they leave right after they’re done so…”
“Now you’re just rambling like you’re making up an excuse or something haha! You should say hi to the chefs while you’re at it. Just don’t be late ok?”
Yuki thanked God and his uncle for not being suspicious before he paced down the corridor and opened the door.

Kino’s neck snapped back to see Yuki. She stood up, letting her black dress fall and hang on her body. A vast variety of expressions raced across her face from surprise, to joy, to mid-thought, and finally embarrassment. Her arms both rose up: one of her hand reached to the back of her neck and her other was held out in front in defence. Her eyes quickly looked from left and right before deciding that as long as they weren’t focused on Yuki, it would be ok.

“You look really cute in a dress you know?”

“S-Sh-Shut up! I don’t like wearing them.”

“How about, if I said you were beautiful, would you wear a dress for me every day?”

“I’m only doing this because it’s your birthday and because I was partly forced to by Mayu.”

“Awww~ But you really do look outstanding; I can’t even keep my eyes off you. Sorry, I guess you don’t enjoy being complimented.”

“Being complimented is one thing, being teased is another,” she hissed back.

“Oh ouch! That really hurts. I meant everything I said Kino, so maybe you should be a little more accepting at the fact that dresses look good on you.”

“I just said I don’t like wearing them! You better stop teasing me if you want your birthday present.”

“Ooo, you always give me the best birthday presents,“ he said with a grin, leaning in towards her face.

“Really now? I can’t tell if you’re being flirtatious or being sarcastic. But you know both are equally making me just a LITTLE bit irritated with you.”

Yuki took a step back, put his hands in his pocket and closed his eyes, before opening them again to reveal a serious yet calm expression.
“I guess I’m teasing you too much today.”

Kino couldn’t shake the feeling that he was one year older today. It felt like he hasn’t changed at all since they first met. Right from day one Yuki butt his way into her business and now he’s taking the liberty of being charming with her when he already had Lily. Even before, he knew she was crushing on Eric; that didn’t stop him. It made her mood rotten just thinking about it.
Kino sighed, “it’s fine, you do it every day, I’m used to it by now,” she said, turning around to face him and held the bag with panda cartoons all over it in front of his face, “Happy Birthday.”

Yuki blinked at the sight of two giant black eyes were staring at him until he took the bag from her hands.

“You can open it…” She said, anxious for him to open her present. Her cheeks turned a slight shade of pink.
“Thank you.”

Yuki slowly pulled out the tissue paper and the package within the bag. He then unwrapped the wrapping paper with such care that the tape didn’t even lift the print off, and the paper didn’t rip. Slowly, underneath revealed a panda plushie. As he looked at it closely he could see some of the thread sticking out of the seams, and the deformity of the circular head, the unevenness in stuffing, and the different sized buttons used as eyes.
“Did you make this? It’s so cute, aren’t you little guy? Oh what’s that you say? Kino’s prettier? I agree, but we can’t tell her that or else she’ll get mad.”

Kino watched him try to converse with the panda, and move its arms around and soon she couldn’t help but laugh, and smile.

“You’re such a dork.”

The smile jerked his heart a bit. His heartbeat beated faster. Her laugh echoed in his ears as if he was listening to the voice of an angel. He shook his head at the ridiculous thought.
“She really is pretty right Mr. panda? Thank you very much for the present. Your smile is the best present. I’m really glad you came. Thank you.”
Yuki‘s tongue was just about ready to continue on with the words he had to say. But, the moment he needed courage, he became sheepish. The cat got his tongue.

Kino blushed in confusion. For all she knew it was another one of his sarcastic comments used to tease her. Kino looked down at the ground. Her head spun: why was she blushing so easily; why is her heart pumping so fast? Just one comment from him, and her heart would start racing. Even when he smiled, she would feel warm and fuzzy inside. Oh! How she wished he was just being a dick.
Oblivious, she denied her heart’s feelings and she slowly started the walk away. “It’s getting late. I should get going.”

It was the end of Kino’s shift. For some reason, she felt disappointed. The image of Lily and Yuki dancing to her music burned into the back of her skull so that she’d see after images. She saw Eric in the corner and he saluted her for a job well down. But she must have grown an immunity to his charm. The bandage just didn’t work anymore. She then walked over to the water station in the back corner behind a couple of plants and chugged a cool glass of water before being approached by a man.

“Excellent job Ms…”
“Kino Pavane.”
She looked down at his hand and shook it, putting on an air of professionalism.
“The name’s Kaji.”
Kino immediately associated him to the cousin Yuki spoke highly of.
“I give you my regards. That was some lovely playing just now.”
“Thank you very much.”

“Unfortunately the birthday boy doesn’t have much patience for things like music. So that was from the two of us.”
Kino catches a glimpse of Yuki and Lily and sighs for his placid expression. Kaji noticed her attention steer amid. He stood beside her to get a better view.
“Yuki, he knows how to get the girls. He’s had 20 marriage proposals in the last 2 years; can’t even count the number of meetings he must have had, and Lily Bloomsbury…”

“How does this pertain to me?”

Kino looked at Kaji through the corner of her eyes. Kaji raised his hand up and pointed out to bring Kino’s attention to Yuki who was chatting with another female. Yeah, totally ignoring her question.
Kino walked away to put her glass down in the discard bin in a separate hallway away from the main hall. She wanted the conversation to end but, Kaji merely followed.
“You’ve had your eye on him didn’t you? I know girls. They like to stare and admire. Then they get crushed with jealousy.”

“I think you’re mistaken. We’re just friends.”
“Oh really now? That makes things perfect then.”

Kaji leaned down and whispered into her ears: “How about we get together tonight? I’ll show you what a real man is.”

“No thanks!”

Kino’s frustration began to build as she noticed how different Yuki acts towards other people. Was he trying to hide himself from her? Kaji was just another pest.
“Oh come on! Why not? Think about it, you could make him jealous and he’ll come running back to you, begging on his knees.”

“He has no reason to behave like that.”

“But, that’s the kind of weak kid he is. Hey hey. I know, you must be a nice kind of gal. But I’ll tell you, bitches go a long way. Kiss him goodbye, watch him cry in pain.”
“Now Kaji! You know how I don’t like it when you make fun of Yuki like that. Besides, Kino wouldn’t do something like that. She’s selfless like that, always looking out for everyone’s best interest. Besides, that would be inappropriate of her to do something so disgusting as to punish Yuki when he has no reason to chase after her. Right Kino?”
Then Lily appeared also putting her empty glass down. Kino didn’t know why she had come all the way here when there were servers willing to take the glass from her if she so kindly asked. Lily gave her a smugged confident look and it was almost revolting. Lily was right though wasn’t she? Kino wasn’t going to start being a spoiled bitch just because she’s a little disappointed. Just like a fool, she played into Lily’s intimidation. Here comes the rage:
“Well, then I’ll keep it a secret then. How about it Ms. Pavane?”“I’d…I’D NEVER—Who do you think you are getting off trying to pick me up by dissing my friend? Does it look like I’m out to make him my slave? Does it look like I care if he’s the man you describe him to be? That has got nothing to do with me! I can’t believe he looked up to you. Yuki is his own person, and if you have a problem with him taking your girls, ask him to share some of them with you. I’m not his babysitter. Besides, we’re not like that! Like Lily says…There’s no reason for him to beg and cry to me. He doesn’t care (about me.)”
The bitter “truth” Kino spoke hurt like a knife blade sliding into her flesh. Was this jealousy?
“Not that kind of person” Ha! You don’t know him then. He probably tricked you into coming here with money or something. I’m doing you a favour because I’m a horny bastard. Pavane was it? Give it up missy. You’re family was full of failures. He’s out of your league. You really need to chill woman.”

Eric lingered in the main hall, associating himself with important guests. To him, Kino was performing as flawlessly as ever. But, what caught his attention was the sight of Lily. She was just chatting away like the clingy eyesore she was (he thanked the Gods she wasn’t one of his rabid fans.) Yuki at this stage was no more than a blundering idiot (ah, what happened to the competitive side of him?) So he knew where to focus. He knew Lily’s type, and was extra cautious of her actions.
When he lost his eye on Kino, he knew instantly something was wrong. Call it fatherly instincts. He frantically scanned the entire hall, every single head, and pair of iris until he spotted Lily go off behind a corner close to the piano. There. Eric saw her draw her fists and was quick to restrain her arm before she acted on impulse. If he was any later, Kaji would have bent Kino in half when she nearly assaulted him.
“Kino.”
All he had to hear was the last sentence for him to have known she would jump. He knew how Kino must have felt because he’s done the same to so many women before her. He wanted to just let her loose and demolish him in his shock. It would have been like watching himself getting beaten up by her. He deserved it anyway.

With her arms restrained, she gave a good hard kick at Kaji’s shin with her heels before storming down the hallway to the patio. How dare he—even Eric was a better smooth talker. But what tormented her was the fact that Lily of all people had to step in and back her up. Regardless, she had to keep it together for Yuki’s sake.

Lily nodded to Eric cheerfully as if nothing happened. Eric simply ignored her and followed after Kino. As soon as they turned around multiple bends and they were far enough for anyone to be around, he took his jacket off and offered it to her.
“You can hide (your tears) if you want.”
But when she simply looked at him confused, he didn’t see a single sparkle. Of course how stupid of him! She’d never cry regardless if she was alone. So much for his act of chivalry.

“Thanks, but I don’t need it. Wanna go outside for a bit?”

Kino was starting to feel nauseous. From right to left, all she could think about was that image of Lily dancing with Yuki. She’s decided to admit to her subconscious, but so what? There was no meaning to it all.

“You can’t keep lying like this. I know you hate causing trouble, but don’t you think you’re making the situation worst?”

“Lily doesn’t have a problem with it.”

“I mean for you! If it makes you feel any better, you can blame me for—“

“What are you talking about? There is no one to blame but myself. Blaming people is not gonna change facts.”

“Kino, you’re not in grade school anymore. You’re not as strong of a girl as you think you are. You are not who you are trying to make everyone believe you are. No, you’re wrong and I am right. Don’t tell me to shut up. Get a grip. You love him don’t you? You’ve always loved him. You were so scared that out of sheer willpower, you managed to delude yourself into believing you loved me instead. Kino, why are you doing this? Just fucking tell him will you?”
Eric knew how hard it would be for her to understand his words. He knew how hard that was going to be for her to actually do anything. Especially with her current mindset and the way that bastard is acting. If Eric could, he wouldn’t have mind continued to pretend with Kino. But, he wanted to believe that this was the best for her.

“And what will that do?! ‘I’m lonely Yuki. I’m sad Yuki.’ What’s that gonna do? Nothing. You’re a guy. Girls say those things all the time and all you did was just sit and comfort them. You think that’s good enough? It is never good enough! I don’t understand. I’m sitting here right next to you and I have good friends, but I’m just not satisfied with it unless Yuki was in the picture. I’m just never satisfied! Don’t you see Eric? Even if I’m complaining, will I get what I want? To hell no!”

“Now you’re just being selfish.”
No shit Sherlock, he thought quickly realizing what he just said was a mistake. It only led Kino on.

“And it’s disgusting, utterly repulsive of me. I already knew that; that’s why I try to fix it. Complaining will just ruin everything I’ve done. I’ll settle for my circle of friends. I’ll settle for being able to be friends with him than not be friends with him at all. I’ll settle for anything as long as everything goes back to the way it was!”

Yuki grew restless now that the guests had finally stopped focusing their attention on him. He walked out to the hallway to place his dishes down and didn’t notice Lily and Kaji where there conversing. But when Lily came up to him, he simple ignored her and kept going (man everyone’s ignoring the bitch now.) Where was Kino? Did she leave already? No, he thought when he heard her strained voice. He stopped to listen closely her jumble of words. They only confused him even more. Was this the truth: does Kino really think so earnestly about him? He wanted to feel glad but how could he when she was so distraught? He knew for a long time now and yet he still hesitated. Was he even deserving of her at this point?
Yuki came out of hiding by stepping out into the light and calling Kino’s name. He could only see the sad expression on Kino’s face as Eric was escorting her back from the patio. His blood boiled. He knew he didn’t want to misunderstand, but Kino hasn’t been talking to him lately. He couldn’t tell. He wanted to know…He simply thought grasping her hand and walking away from everyone would make things all better.

“Wait Yuki.”

Kino’s voice piercing through the ravaging thoughts of doubt like a light poking through a cloud covered sky. Then he felt a tug. He turned around to see Eric on the other end with eyes filled with resolve. At this moment he didn’t care anymore and tried to look straight at Kino. He didn’t want to avoid her and he didn’t want to have to keep everything to himself. His emotions were running high especially after walking into that. He knew Kino would never purposely reveal her weakness. Whatever was under her skin, causing her forehead to wrinkle was what Yuki paid attention to. With confidence, he carelessly assumed she was just upset about Eric. With his naïve thoughts that acts of affection were worth more than a 1000 words, he stroked her long dark brown hair.

Eric was shocked by Yuki’s sudden display of affection. He stood still and let them have their talk. He could feel Kino’s finger clench his hand as if trying to find the support in her shaking body. He’d hold on firmly knowing it wasn’t often she needed support.

The skin of his hand touching the base of the neck that connected to her body left a warm impression on her. Kino felt like she was being stirred around as she was held in a tug-a-war: one arm in Yuki’s grasp, and the other firmly in Eric’s. She wanted to reject this feeling of relief that wafted over her when Yuki’s fingertips touched her skin. It felt so wrong to her that Yuki was the one embracing her, yet it felt so right. She turned her face away from him, pained at the thought that he was just teasing her again. She wasn’t that easy.

“You’re still not over him?”
He shot a dangerous look at Eric.

Kino quickly shook her head but remained silent. She was far too embarrassed and conflicted with these newly realized feelings of hers. She didn’t want to believe in them, these disgusting feelings. She closed her eyes, trying to shield herself from Yuki’s penetrative eyes but all she saw were the after images of him and Lily together, dancing. Kino could only misunderstand him and see the difference in their worlds.

“I’m sorry I’m not Lily.”

“Why are you bringing her up?”

“Cause the two of you are an item.”

“Sheesh Kino! I’m told you, give it a rest and answer my question.”
Yuki knew that he had to tell her. He knew Kino was completely wrong. But that meant telling her how he truly felt, and he didn’t have the confidence; especially, in front of Eric. He didn’t think he was ready to fully bear the responsibilities when he couldn’t even keep up with Kino half the time. Excuse after excuse, he thought there must be another way. Kino was never this hard to figure out, and it frustrated him.

“It’s because you’re together that we can’t be friends anymore because I’ll be in the way…right?”

“What are you going on about?”

“It’s because you take pity on me that you can’t leave me alone. That’s why Eric is like this also: always dotting on me.”

“Kino, you’re not making any sense. It’s because we’re friends that I worry about you.”

“Yuki, why can’t you just get that sometimes I’d prefer not be in the spotlight with you?” she spoke bitterly. Her hand squeezed Eric’s even tighter and knew that at this point, she was happiest when Yuki was. She thought that he would at least have laughed the whole time if she played his favourite melodies. She felt retarded for thinking that feeling was reciprocated…Did she feel underappreciated? Was that all she came here for: self gratification?

“Kino!” With great force, Yuki gripped onto Kino’s petite frame and shook her violently trying to get her to let go of Eric’s hand. He was scared that she’s chosen to put trust in Eric over him; that he was losing when he had already won. “I don’t want to hear this nonsense from you again, alright? Didn’t I promise you that no matter what happens I’ll always be there for you? I am your best friend; what are you going on about not being friends…Are you absurd?! Who’s been telling you these things? The Kino I know wouldn’t think something like that. The Kino I know—“

“That’s enough!” Eric couldn’t take much of Kino’s squeezing. He already lost circulation a long time ago, and now his finger tips were turning purple. He also felt awkward ‘cause Yuki was just ignoring him the entire time and that ain’t cool.
“Excuse me.”
Eric had ripped Kino out of Yuki’s grasp, draping his suit over her. He knew things would be dangerous if he didn’t intervene. He understood that Kino’s strength comes from her doubtless self. The nature of Kino’s solitude allows it so that she only has to rely on herself. It’s that independence that drives her. The biggest problem arises when misunderstandings emerge. He knew Yuki’s naivety was not ill intended. It wasn’t his fault nor was it Kino’s fault. Eric knew yet he couldn’t do anything. But, man did he want to punch Yuki right now.
“I’d appreciate it if you stop yelling at the poor girl,” he then turned to Kino, bending down so he was eye level with her.
“Kino—“ shocked by the expression she was giving him, he frowned at her and raised his hand wiping her dry cheeks, “You’re crying again, aren’t you?”

“Eric, you have no right!”

“I have every right because I’m not the one who’s always making her cry. I’m not the one she’s scared of! You know what…your arrogance is starting to piss me off. Is it because you knew each other that you think you can treat her in whatever way you want? You act well as a puppet, but as soon as you have no strings, you fall apart.”

“So you’re telling me it’s my fault? Is that it you jerk? Where do you get off?!”

“Yeah, it is your fault.”

“Oh Casanova is trying to lecture me, huh? You want a fight huh? I get it.”

Of course it’s my fault, Yuki thought sarcastically. For all he knew, he should be blaming Eric, but he was going to be the better man. He would never do anything to hurt Kino. There was no reason Kino would be this upset because of him. The Kino he knew would have just accepted it and ignored it. So, why not be friends if there is nothing wrong? But there obviously was. He already held her near and dear but the idea of losing her as a friend was troubling. He tried to piece everything together but he couldn’t figure what was going through Kino’s head anymore. Why was this happening? Why, if only Eric hadn’t showed up so he could talk to her for just a little bit longer. Screw being the better man. He’s fucking pissed.

Eric pushed Kino gently to the side to block Yuki’s aggressive punch. Unfortunately, he was a bit slow and stumbled back a bit from contact. He wiped off the abrasion with the back of his hand. It was on now! He dove forward and without a single wasted sound, he threw his own volley of punches. The sound of flesh pounding only taunted him further.

The rage in Yuki’s voice and the feeling of Eric’s push caused Kino’s knees to tremble as she felt a cold shiver run down her spine. It only confirmed (to her) that he was angry at her; it only confirmed that she was getting in his way. Yuki was supposed to be happy on his birthday and she was ruining that. It was the same at the Grandia Ball. Her disgusting selfish feelings were ruining everything; it was more than a good reason to remain silent. Her hand quickly closed down onto the heart pendent tightly: trying to hide how scared she was. Yuki was right. Who is she right now? She was a disgusting monster. She didn’t deserve to be friends with him if all she did was make him angry. Indeed he promised he would always stay by her side when they were young, but what’s the point if she was just being a bother? What’s the point if all it did was make a monster out of them?
“Stop it will you?! Please don’t fight!” She yelled kicking up her heels at the two of them. The tears almost pouring out at this point as the pain in her chest became unbearable. She kept on, pushing Yuki against a wall and pinning both his arms with her own hands, using every bit of her weight to keep him there and away from Eric.
“Yuki, Eric is just being nice to me because he feels like he owes it to me. I’m sorry. It was never my intention to make the two of you angry. I’m sorry Yuki. I’m sorry for making you angry and offending you; especially on your birthday. You…were the best friend I could ever ask for. So please forget about what I said.”
When she finished, the weight of her body eased off and her hands gently slid off Yuki as she took a step back.

She spoke with smile that was so forced, so unbearable, so plastic; it was almost painful to watch for Eric. He understood the meaning of her words, understood that she figured it out. Yet for some reason, he felt so much sadness. He was witnessing a huge misunderstanding, but it was something out of his hands.
“Kino, I’ll give you a ride.”
Eric turned his back on Yuki, putting an arm around her shoulders, freezing her whole for just a while longer.

“Kino I…!”
Yuki’s voice disappeared in an instant, as if his own body was now going against him. He watched as the distance between them physically grew and it was then did he finally realize how far Kino really was from him. He felt a strong dislike towards the idea of her getting farther and farther away. He didn’t give a damn about his happy birthday. He wanted to see her smile again, he wanted to hear her laugh again, he wanted to hold her and tell her that he really, and truly— It was his chance and he just missed it. Pathetic.

さよならメモリーズ

April 12, 2011 § Leave a comment

さよならメモリーズ

kotoba ja umaku ienai omoi wo kimi ni uchiakeru to shitara nante tsutaeyou?

Happy Birthday

March 25, 2011 § Leave a comment

Yuki had been waiting for Kino at the entrance to the music building with anxious anticipation. As their eyes met, he could only sense her heavy mood hang over her. With a sigh, he held his determination to lift her spirits. It was all up to him in the end. Yuki held his hand outstretched, hopefully to prompt Kino with some sort of surprised reaction.
“I’ll carry your things.”

Kino slowed down her footsteps to a halt and stood before Yuki. She gripped her tote bag tightly in her dry hands, her cheeks puffing in and out. She’s grown accustomed to her rather large circle of friends that it was nerve wracking when it was just the two of them.

Yuki noticed her unease and smirked. (What a tease.)
“Would you rather I carry you instead?”
“That’s highly unnecessary prince charming,” she sneered. Anything but that, she thought after letting her imagination loose first. She then placed her bag in his outstretched hand. Upon accepting his kind gesture, she began walking out into the winter wonderland ahead of him.
“How was New York?”
“Crowded, as usual.”
“I wasn’t expecting to see you today. Did you just arrive in Klinton today?”
“I was back mid afternoon.”
“So just after class ended.”
“Pretty much.”
After catching up to Kino’s strides, he leaned forward and got a quick look at her expression.
“How was your day?”
“Good.”

Silence.

“You know, if you’re busy, you don’t have to keep me company.
“That’d make me a terrible friend Kino! I even missed your sweet sixteen last year.”
“I’m supposed to be happy on my birthday. No point being pouty because Mr. Pelletier doesn’t attend whatever birthday surprise ends up being planned.”
“Oh and who was the one who cried about me leaving?”
“Th-that was ages ago! I was a child in grade school. Besides, I’m not that lonely of a person you know. For your information, Keith made me a cake; Mayu and Nadako said they were going to have dinner with me tomorrow…; Eric got me a birthday present too! Can you guess what it is? I’ll tell you! It’s the limited edition concert DVD of one of Yuja Wang’s performances! I couldn’t believe he got me something but he did! I’m so excited to go home and watch it.”
“You’re only saying that cause I’m here~”
“Shut up.”
“You know it’s true.”

A moment of silence passed between the two of them. To Kino, it felt like ages since she had the opportunity to speak to Yuki. It was unnerving (especially since he just read her like an open book.) When did it become so difficult to initiate the smallest of conversation? Was this what it was like to become distant with someone you were so close with before? As Kino held her head low, she noticed Yuki’s bare hands. Her hand slipped into his, and her mittens folded over his frozen fingers.
“Your fingers are going to freeze off,” she mumbled with genuine sincerity.

Feeling the warmth return to his fingers, he grasp her hand gently; his fingers enclosing hers. It surprised Kino to discover how large his hands really were and for some reason, it comforted her.
“You’re really kind Kino.”
“Hmph! J-Just wear gloves next time! Someone like you should be able to afford something like that right?”
“Why would I do that when I could have you to keep my hands warm for free?”
Kino looked away with flustered irritation. It has been a while since she had Yuki’s entire attention; she almost forgotten how much of a tease he was.

Another awkward pause. Another moment of hesitation.

Yuki knew he was pushing it, but how could he contain the torrents of emotion that beat inside his heart? He couldn’t. He didn’t mean to tease, but it was the only way he could keep her at comfortable distance from him. He feared the Kino at present would not take him seriously. After all, she was already so involved with Eric. Yet, jealousy always got the better of him. For the time being, he just wants to leave a lasting impression on her, unaware of all consequences.

Upon arriving at the school, their hands fell to their own side, as if nothing happened. Yuki sighed, releasing the tension inside of him before turning to hand Kino’s bag to her when he saw that smile creep up on her face. It was unexpectedly refreshing. Was this a dream sequence?
“Are your hands warm?”
“Not this one.”
“Go like this!” Kino crossed her arms and pressed her hands against her armpits, “or you can sit on them. That works too.”
Yuki mimicked Kino and the two of them burst into laughter.
“I was kidding Kino.”
“I was as well. But it was worth seeing you look stupid.”
“You’re so cute. Wanna go to the roof?”
“No surprise party?”
“Nah. Mayu thought it be better if we spent a little time together.”
“Really?” she spoke with a hint of disappointment. She didn’t mind Yuki. But in all honesty, she would have preferred to have spent time with Eric. She was modest though, and grateful that he even thought of her as to so much present her with a gift.
“Yeah…”
“It has been a while. Will you be alright staying out this late? My lesson did go on for a while.”
“Don’t worry about it. I told you I was free didn’t I?”

Walking through the maze of hallways, Kino felt the awkward distance between them before disappear. Everything returned back to how it was just a couple years ago. Just talking to him brought a wave of nostalgic memories to her mind. She began to skip down the hallway, enticing Yuki to follow her.

“Neh, neh, Yuki! Remember that old melody I played when we were just kids? I’ve been trying to compose it into a full scale composition. Will you listen to it when I’m done?”
“Sure. I’d love to hear it!”
“Yeah~! I’ve gotten a lot better since the last time you heard me.”
“You better be. I’m expecting to see your name in the newspapers any day now!”
“Yuki, your expectations of me are a little too high for something that’s short term.”
“I’m just teasing.”
Kino got quiet again before turning around. She had a look of a curious cat.
“So when are you going back to New York?
“This weekend. Did you want anything?”
“Uh…food!”
“Haha, I’d have to take you with me in that case.”
“Why don’t you?”
“I don’t think my grandmother would approve of me carrying around extra baggage.”
“Baggage?! I’ll have you know I’m 95 pounds! That’s underweight apparently!”
“Not like being underweight is a bad thing now that everyone is overweight right?”
“That’s right!”
“I’m more worried about how heavy you’ll be from just one weekend of nonstop eating.”
“You calling me a cow?”
“Yes.”
“Why you!”
Kino dashed to Yuki and gave him a good smack in the arm.
“Ow! That hurts! Jeez! If you’re worried about not being able to move, I’ll just carry you!”
“Oh so you agree, I’m just baggage?!”
“No that’s not what I mean! Gah! Don’t hurt me!”
Kino towered over the cowering Yuki. Her death glare was a force not to be reckoned with. Of course she couldn’t keep serious for long.
“Bahaha! Ow my stomach hurts hahaha!”
Kino roared with laughter, holding herself as her abs constricted. The butterflies in Kino’s stomach began to flutter because of the happiness that welled up inside her. All this from just having Yuki be with her on the day she dreaded the most for so long. It doesn’t seem all that strange anymore.

“You know Yuki…I’ve never liked my birthday. But it’s so strange. I remember the old times we were together. I wasn’t truly happy then, but now it seems different.”
“I’m glad Kino. I’m really glad. I was starting to think you didn’t need me as a friend anymore after that last punch.”
“I don’t think that’s how friends work Yuki.”

Yuki was fully aware from just watching her prance about enthusiastically. Her smile illuminated her face from the dim hall lamps. He never grew tired of it. He just wished he could cherish and protect it. Nonetheless, Yuki felt like he just accomplished something by making Kino laugh: it was an achievement in itself let alone making her smile. He felt more confident in his feelings towards her and his resolve to keep that age old promise he made back in grade school.

Eventually the two of them reached the top of the staircase to the roof. She let Yuki pass her as she was conscious that she was still wearing the school uniform’s skirt. As she climbed the ladder, she saw the hand stretched out to her. Without hesitation, she took it and was led out into the starry night.

At the top of a building, Kino looked at the stars in awe. She raced across the fresh snow, laying tracks in it.
“And you thought today would be another boring day,” he said, trying to follow the gaze of her dark brown eyes to the stars, but her giggle was what captivated his attention away from the stars.
“I really don’t know if I even deserve to be this happy, but I am. It’s so unusual…”
“You smiling so much in one day is strange,” he turned around, grinning at her with that smile that always made her turn red. He then motioned for her to come closer to him. Kino curiously returned to his side. She innocently stared up at his face, causing his hand to shake as he fumbled through his pockets.
“This is for you.”
Kino saw the necklace that lay in his hand. The chain was gold, and the main pendent was heart shaped with a glimmering diamond like stone. He unclipped the clasp that joined the chain together as she stood there staring in shock.
“But…I can’t accept this! Didn’t that cost a lot? I didn’t even ask you to get my anything.Well, I never do. Still!”
“Just take it.”
“But…”
He put it around her neck before Kino could say another word. Still not sure, she held it up to her face. The diamond heart pendant gleamed in the moonlight.
“Indecisive as ever. You don’t really change do you?” he chuckled.
Kino looked up at him, not sure what to think (there seems to be a trend here.) She was just happy.
“What? What’s with that look? I actually picked this one out myself. Without Mayu’s help this time! See it’s really similar to the one in the manga right? Or are you surprised that I remembered? Idiot~ It’s been 6 years; I should know when your birthday is. Besides, aren’t you supposed to be “Happy” when it’s your birthday?”
“I am really happy,” she laughed, “Thank you. I’ll treasure it with all my heart.”
Yuki blushed, his hand on the side of his head, ruffled with his golden hair. He himself turned slightly trying to cover up his embarrassment. He quickly convinced himself to be confident, and so he spoke again, “You must have noticed it as well: we’re drifting apart slowly but surely. I know I already told you this but, I’m going to work hard to keep my promise to you anyway. If you’re ever hurt or sad, just call me. I know I tease you a lot; I know I ask for your help a lot; I know I’m not as good as Eric but I don’t want us to just fall out of being friends.”
Thump! Thump! Thump! Kino could feel something beat inside her. She’s only ever had this feeling with Eric so it couldn’t be a heart though, could it? It was as if Yuki’s monologue was working her up, trying to get her to anticipate what comes next. She didn’t want to think too much into it but she was conscious now.

“Happy Birthday Kino.”

Secret ingredient

March 13, 2011 § Leave a comment

I put much love into them as I could. So eat them with care, ok?

Yuri knows. It’s all about the love. Oh, so does that make my food tasteless cause I’m a self-proclaimed bitch? lol.

(I just) Haven’t Met You Yet

July 12, 2010 § 1 Comment

Haven’t Met You Yet

This is like the optimistic happy song for single people…sung by the married man, Michael Buble. The lyrics are also extremely catchy and simple. No hidden meaning here. His word choice or presentation could be more eloquent though. But at least he can sing! I am definitely digging the genre this song is in. Frank Sinatra FTW. I feel weird for liking this song hehe…Its not that great of a song though, yet I’m totally stuck on it!

ローリンガール

June 6, 2010 § Leave a comment

In the usual music room, Kino sat at the piano, blazing through musical passages after passages. Her piano teacher watching from the side, her expression stern and serious. Was she not pleased with the music? Somehow it felt rushed. Somehow it felt emotionless. Somehow it felt like nothing but noise.
“Kino.”
“Yes?”
Kino’s hands slide off the keys as she looked at her teacher. Her eyes and smile were noticeably less brilliant than before. Everyday she’d grow more weary, and tired as the shadows beneath her grew.
“Who are you playing for?”
“You.”
“No, that’s not what I meant. At this rate, you’re not going to make it onto the competition circuit.” The teacher would look at Kino who was trying to find an excuse.
“That’s enough for today. It seems you’re not in the mood to play. If you manage to get on the circuit, we’ll have lessons accordingly,” her teacher spoke, as if this would be the last time she would be seeing Kino.
Why her teacher wasn’t satisfied, Kino didn’t know. She was already at her limit. She couldn’t keep up with Yuki, and her dream at the same time. Always tripping, falling, making mistakes. All she wanted to do was close her eyes and drift into a dream, never waking up. But she was too prideful to quietly disappear. Kino knew everything around her was falling apart. Why she bothered to fool herself into thinking there was no problem? No idea.
Kino would gather the fabric of her kilt into her clenched fist in frustration. She heard the click of the door opening, and its slow squeak. But she dared not turn around to see who it was.
“Yoh!”
She lowered her face and let her fringes cover it as if not willing to show Eric her pathetic face. Eric blinked, watching her, walking towards her and sitting with her on the edge of the bench.
“Something happen?”
“I made a mistake again.”
He sighed, looking at the piano and the book opened in front of her.
“Did you need something, your highness? I thought you would be socializing with the ladies.”
“You’re making me out to be some sort of playboy! Ahem! Anyway, I was told to come here, so no. I’m just checking up on my favourite pianist.”
“Well there’s no problem here…”
Kino looked at her hands and sighed. She would remember the time just having Eric in the same room as her would make her smile, but not even that could salvage the bittersweet look on her face.
“Hey, I won’t say I’m a genie in a bottle, but if you ever need me, I can grant you a wish or two. Also get some sleep tonight.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Kino would walk down the hallway, hearing things about the competition announcement tomorrow, and luck. But the all the words would swirl around in her head. Will she be fine? Sure she will. That’s what she kept telling herself. But deep down, she knew that she’d fail even more, and keep falling behind. There was nowhere to go for her. She could barely carry herself down the hallway as darkness kept trying to win her over. Hearing the cheers of girls in the background squeal, “Yuki’s here!” snapped her out of her trance.

Kino gripped the gold pendant in her hand tightly. Trying not to show Yuki her knees shake as she stood before him. How lowly she was to cling to that small bit of hope. Yet she couldn’t help it. Why did she feel so relieve to see him? She was so scared that he would never come back to see her again that her insides would squeeze and leave her gasping for air. But she so desperately hoped that she could keep seeing his smile and hear him call her name. She knew that he was busy with Lily, and work. Yet she wanted to believe that there was a place for her in his heart.
“Are you going back early again today?”
“Yeah. Sorry Kino. Did you need me for anything?”
Kino’s fake smile twitched as she tried to hold the disappointment back.
“Ah, no it’s…”
Her voice died out as she looked to the side, her bangs covering her eyes. Her smile was frozen like plastic. Her hand curled up into balls of fists as she tried to control the emotions that raged inside her. Yet Yuki noticed all of it, the tired look on her face, the subtle shaking of her legs, and the dullness of her complexion.
“Kino, is something wrong?”
“No its nothing,”
“You know what; I’m going to take you out for dinner tomorrow.”
Kino quickly looked up, her smile grew awkward, “don’t you have to catch up on school work?”
“I’ll have you to teach me. So don’t worry about it ok? I’ll meet you at the lockers tomorrow ok?”
“But I won’t have anything to wear and—“
Yuki’s hand reached for her and gently patted her head. Her eyes peered through her long hair to see his carefree grin. She blushed, and suddenly her sinking heart started to race.
“I told you. Don’t fret ‘kay?” He would tell her after ruffling her hair. She was left frozen once again when his hand returned to his side, as if the sudden electric shock of being unplugged while still being on left her paralyzed. She watched his back walk further and further away from her.

Kino mindlessly practiced to the depths of the night, until the dawning of morning. Every time she thought of Yuki, she would quickly dismiss it knowing that if she chased after him, he’d disappear from her grasp. She felt pathetic, and incredibly stupid for trying so hard to deny something she wished never existed or never knew it existed. As she continue to fight against the shadows that threatened to consume her, Kino decided to linger in the halls before anyone else got there. Circulating the perimeter and passing by the board so many times. When she looked up at it, she showed a weak smile before lowering her head and continued wandering towards an unknown destination.

Mayu took her seat in the classroom, and almost instantly Keith would poke his head through the windows to the hallway. After half a year she felt so accustomed to it already that she wasn’t surprised one bit.
“Morning,” she said with a smile before noticing the shocked look on his face, “what’s wrong?”
“It’s Kino. Is she here yet?”
“No, what happened? Is it Yuki?”
“The results are posted.”
“I’m sure she—“
“And her name wasn’t on the board.”
There was a pause. Unbelievable.
“But if she doesn’t make the cut, then what is she going to do? They’ll kick her out if she doesn’t—“
“Morning!”
Kino greeted loudly, as she skipped into the classroom energetically.
“Today I finally got to homeroom on time!”
“Ahaha. Yeah, good job.”
“Yuki won’t be here until later today huh?”
Kino would feign curiosity as she looked at his desk and shrugged as if she didn’t care. Mayu noticed the forced smile and couldn’t bear to watch as she shifted her gaze to Keith. Keith gave a bittersweet smile. Neither Keith nor Mayu dare speak though. Neither of them was willing to be the one who breaks her. Little did the two know Kino was holding back her tears with sheer pride. She wanted to run away, run away so badly. But she didn’t, she couldn’t. She was far too stubborn and prideful to. She’d rather stop breathing than run away. She wanted to wait for Yuki, wait for him to save her. She kept telling herself he wasn’t going to come like he used to, and yet she continued to fantasize about him flying to her rescue or white horse.

“Nadako, what do we do? I don’t know what to do. I want to help her but at the same time…”
“We can’t do anything…Eric’s been telling me she hasn’t slept for days or eaten anything but cookies for a many days now. I tried offering her lunch but she wouldn’t eat it.”
“It’s all Yuki’s fault. I don’t care anymore. Keith you go beat him to a pulp.”
“Yes ma’am. But may I ask why can’t you do that?”
“I don’t want to have anything to do with him anymore.”
“Mayu…”
“That jerk Yuki can die in a hole for all I care. Treating Kino this way…she doesn’t deserve it!”
“Mayu!”
Nadako tried to quiet Mayu but it was too late. Kino who heard their conversation simply laughed. Her head hung low for she couldn’t raise her head to look at them directly. It was true. Yuki was a jerk. She didn’t deserve this. She worked really hard to stay here. She tried her best. Yuki was the one who pushed her after all. It was all Yuki’s fault! That was the one thing Kino couldn’t say. Cause she knew as soon as she started doubting him, she would truly have nowhere in this place to go. She felt so silly acting all depressed over a boy and some bad results.
“Yuki…He’s just busy…that’s all. It’s ok. It’s not like I’m a nobody. I’m his friend…If he doesn’t want to see me that’s fine.” She laughed again, as she saw him disappear between her fingers.
“You guys don’t have to worry about me. I’ll figure it out.”

As Yuki slipped out of her grasp, she could see Lily up ahead of him. She tried calling for him. Crying in vain, she would fall to the ground and ask him to come back.
“Kino?” Lily would call out to Kino.
Suddenly reality and dreams were separating like two different solutions of varying densities.
“Yes?”
Kino raised her head to Lily. Her dark eyes and pale complexion was almost sickening to Lily that she had to close her eyes. Lily walked up to Kino and sat on the desk in front of her before smiling. Kino shivered slightly.
“Can I talk to you for a bit?”
“Umm sure…”
“You know Yuki and I are going out correct?”
“No I didn’t.”
“Well, I’m not trying to say you guys can’t be friends, but just…don’t hang around him,” Lily said as if some ungrounded authority gave her the right to look down on Kino. Kino’s eyes narrowed as she spoke back, “you can’t dictate whether I’m friends with Yuki or not.”
“I guess you’re right, but you know he still pities you right? I wouldn’t be surprised if his grandmother dislikes him because he keeps neglecting his work! If he had only listened to me, Yuki and his family company wouldn’t have had to suffer as much as it is now. He should really focus on what’s important to him you know?”
“It isn’t his fault! Why does everyone not realize that he does a lot of great things? Compared to me, Yuki is a hard worker. He’s kind, even to someone like me! If it is anyone’s fault it should be…me.”
“Kino, is it really your fault? I mean, you weren’t planning to distract Yuki from his obligations, right? No no, you did nothing wrong,” Lily tried to comfort Kino but couldn’t hide how content she was with the flow of the conversation.
On the other hand Kino was panicking. They were already dating? Then it’s already too late for her. She thought how selfish she was; how greedy of her to want Yuki all to herself. She worried about him because she didn’t want him to get hurt, telling him to make his own decisions because she thought everyone else around him was wrong. Her chest cringed at the thought that she was the cause of his suffering, that the only reason she didn’t want him hurt, was because it hurt her. What if the only reason Yuki was hanging around her because she wanted him to? Cold sweat rolled down the back of her neck as the dark shadows from the past started towering over her. Suddenly an image flashed into her head, a dream. She was running towards something, but it turned out to be nothing.
“I hope you think about your position.” Cause he’s mine, was what Lily thought in her head as she stood up to leave Kino in the empty classroom. Lily satisfied with tormenting Kino, decided it was time to go home. Eric then appeared before her with that enigmatic grin.
“What does the King want with me?”
“Little princess, I have come to ask why you are stirring some trouble among my subjects?” Eric spoke playing Lily’s game.
“Oh, and what do you mean?”
“I can’t have you ruining my perfectly planned chess game,” he was referring to Kino and Yuki, but Lily didn’t understand, “in a game of chess, there’s no room for a fantasy princess. I also can’t have my knight running off when he has much to do.”
“You lost me…”
“I was merely playing the game of pretend you started.”
Lily felt ridiculed and mocked as Eric continued with his jest.
“What did you say?” he looked over to her with a serious look. However he had to specify, “to Kino.”
“It’s none of your business.”
“Oh, disobeying the King’s orders. That’s treason you know?”
“So you like her? Great, then why don’t you make her get her filthy paws off Yuki already?”
As Lily was about to storm past him, he quickly grabbed her arm and threw her against the wall. The glass of the windows shook as she crashed against it. Eric violently pinned her there as he bore his fangs.
“If you’re going to play my game, then you better start by watching your mouth bitch. Now answer me. What did you say to her?”
“I just simply pointed out that whatever she was doing is hurting Yuki the most. That’s all. I don’t get it at all. Why is everyone so concerned about her? It’s always Kino, Kino, Kino. She’s just a naïve little girl.”
“More the reason why people watch out for her,” he said patting her on the head lightly, like dotting a little kid before he rushed off to the music room where he would find Kino.

Kino’s hand shook widely; her breath was heavy as she opened the piano top, almost dropping it. She breathed quickly gathered her music sheets and spread them widely across the piano, disorganized and scatted. Despite that she played, desperately. She could imagine tears fall down her face. When she listened to herself, she felt the music slipping from her fingertips, and disappearing from her, and yet the thoughts of Yuki kept spinning and recycling to the point where it was all she would think about. Eric listening from outside the other side of the door, he sighed before walking his hands in his pockets, as if he had to hide them from his mistakes.

The practice room became a hell hole, sheet music scattered everywhere, and water bottles thrown into the corner of the room. The music began to deteriorate into noise, and the once beautiful melodies began to decay. The mess grew larger and larger until Kino herself was about to shatter into pieces. It was stupid, yet no matter how many times she told herself that she couldn’t jump out of the hole.
The door quickly slammed shut, waking Kino up from her trance. She turned her head slowly and saw Eric sitting against the door, underneath the window. He motioned his hand desperately, telepathically telling Kino to play something. The chord was struck, and a scale passage was run through upon request. She could feel a tremor beneath her feet as a bunch of females ran down the hallway disrespectfully. As the slowest one passed by, Eric breathed a sigh of relief and collapsed onto the floor.
“Man, it’s not funny when they start chasing after me.”
“Shouldn’t you be used to it by now?”
Eric ignored the question as he sat back up.
“So missy, how’s life?”
“I don’t know.”
“This room has become interesting.”
“Has it?”
“Want to accompany me to the music office?”
“Not really.”
“Damn, rejected.”
“Go by yourself.”
“How about I buy you lunch at the cafeteria?”
“I’m not hungry.”
“I see.”
“Kino, what can I do to get you out of this room?”
“I don’t know.”
“If you don’t give me a proper answer, I’ll just get Yuki to come drag you out.”
“He won’t come!” She barked back, her hands clenched in fists.
“Why can’t you just drag me out yourself?”’
“Because I’m the King. I let my knights do all the dirty work.”
Kino sighed, “I liked it when the two of you were princes.”
“Whatever, as King, I demand you come outside for a change of atmosphere.”
“I can’t leave this place.”
“What, you’re glued to your chair?”
“This is the only place left where I belong…if I leave, I might never be able to come back.”
She looked at her hands and watched as whatever hope she had left began slipping to the floor. The shine in her eyes completely gone. Eric wanted to hug her, but he knew that that wasn’t his job. He would continue to wait patiently for a chance to help her. He didn’t dare bring up the competition results, or Yuki. He knew she’d answer with “I’ll just have to work harder then.” A response he knew was impossible, because she was already beyond her limit. It was times like these he regretted letting her go, but she was the last person he wanted to lie to. He just simply sat there and listened to the music she played until the sun began to set.

Kino kept going. She wasn’t going to give up. She kept aimlessly moving in a direction. She felt like she rolled right back down a slippery slope. The noise wouldn’t let up. The more she tried to tell herself ‘try, try again’ the more Lily’s words would haunt her. She didn’t want to think that just by wanting to stay next to him was what was causing him to be unhappy. She didn’t want to think that she just wanted to see Yuki’s smile so that she too would smile. She didn’t want to think that she was helplessly clinging on to him. She’d rather stop breathing and fall instead of doubting him.

Yuki watched the sun begin to say good night, as he waited for Kino. He heard footsteps and turned his head hoping it was Kino but was disappointed.
“Ah Yuki!” Lily said surprised to find him at the door, even though she stalked him to the door, “do you need a ride?”
“No, I’m waiting for Kino.”
“Kino? Oh, I saw her leave already…”
“What?”
“Yeah, she said she wasn’t feeling too well so she left.”
“When was this?”
“About a couple of minutes ago.”
Yuki started to walk out the door, going after Kino, worried as to whether or not she really was ok. But then Lily stopped him and grabbed onto his arm.
“Wait.”
“Sorry, I have to run.”
“You haven’t heard about her yet have you? You shouldn’t follow her. It’s best you leave her alone for a while.”
“Lily, what happened to Kino?”
“So you didn’t hear huh? Kino’s going to be dismissed because she didn’t make it into the competition circuit this year. So it’s best you don’t see her. You’ll only make it harder on her.”
“That’s precisely why I have to go see her!”
“Do you like Kino?”
An awkward pause travelled through the air.
“Listen Lily, I—”

Kino shuffled her way to the exit and raised her head slowly wondering he Yuki was still waiting for her. But suddenly the world crashed in front of her eyes, as she watched Lily seal Yuki’s lips by stealing a kiss.

If you only care about yourself, the only person who will get hurt is yourself. I guess I’ll stop my breathing, now.

Tsuki no Akari

May 14, 2010 § Leave a comment

Tsuki no Akari

This song is absolutely beautiful. I love the melancholic and almost exhausted feeling this song has. The vocals, done by Ida Emi, really capture that. It’s not powerful, yet not weak either. The simple piano melody definitely draws a picture of the night sky. It kind of reminds me of Chopin’s Nocturnes actaully. A sad lullaby maybe. Apparently this song made it into textbooks even, so I’m obviously not the only one who thinks it is pure art.

This song was originally called the Theme of Love but was then redone for the release of Final Fantasy IV on the DS, which by the way is a great game. Of course when listening to the recordings of songs with this title, it becomes more turbulent and surging. Much less mellow and stagnant.

Oh and while writting up this post, I found the longer version. Yata!

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