October 31, 2011 § Leave a comment
“I’m sorry I’m not Lily.”
“Why are you bringing her up?”
“Cause the two of you are an item.”
“Sheesh Kino! I’m told you, give it a rest and answer my question.”
Yuki knew that he had to tell her. He knew Kino was completely wrong. But that meant telling her how he truly felt, and he didn’t have the confidence; especially, in front of Eric. He didn’t think he was ready to fully bear the responsibilities when he couldn’t even keep up with Kino half the time. Now frustrated with himself, he tried to control his heart from messing with his head, to no avail.
April 8, 2011 § Leave a comment
So I’m gonna ramble here cause I’ve blocked all the other webpages I usually use to distract myself.
For those who don’t know, I have been writting a series of short compilation stories about a group of characters I’ve dreamt off one night. I posted the somewhat finished chapters on my blog (granted they are out of order). My last post was Kino’s birthday which is set in their grade 11 year of high school.
I’ve got a couple more story chapters in the works.
I have Yuki’s birthday almost fully written. I’m still scripting the essential part.
I also have the chapter where Yuki realizes his feelings for Kino in the works. I’ve managed to combine a few ideas together so hopefully that will put itself together when I go back to it.
I am still trying to work out my side characters because I really do want them to come into play and interact with Kino.
For Mayu, I see her as the character who gets destroyed and then put together again. I see her getting herself in all sorts of trouble out of spite and stupidity.
Nadoka is the smart and cool headed one, but is aimless and has no goal in life.
Eric is obviously her crush and starts out as a playboy.
Keith will be Mayu’s first boyfriend and her lover. The two of them will fumble around and screw over but it’ll work out in the end…I guess.
Lily will probably have the smallest role as being the rival in love for Yuki. BITCH.
It’s been many years since I dreamt about Kino and Yuki, and I’m impressed as to how far this project has been coming along…lol!
March 25, 2011 § Leave a comment
Yuki had been waiting for Kino at the entrance to the music building with anxious anticipation. As their eyes met, he could only sense her heavy mood hang over her. With a sigh, he held his determination to lift her spirits. It was all up to him in the end. Yuki held his hand outstretched, hopefully to prompt Kino with some sort of surprised reaction.
“I’ll carry your things.”
Kino slowed down her footsteps to a halt and stood before Yuki. She gripped her tote bag tightly in her dry hands, her cheeks puffing in and out. She’s grown accustomed to her rather large circle of friends that it was nerve wracking when it was just the two of them.
Yuki noticed her unease and smirked. (What a tease.)
“Would you rather I carry you instead?”
“That’s highly unnecessary prince charming,” she sneered. Anything but that, she thought after letting her imagination loose first. She then placed her bag in his outstretched hand. Upon accepting his kind gesture, she began walking out into the winter wonderland ahead of him.
“How was New York?”
“Crowded, as usual.”
“I wasn’t expecting to see you today. Did you just arrive in Klinton today?”
“I was back mid afternoon.”
“So just after class ended.”
After catching up to Kino’s strides, he leaned forward and got a quick look at her expression.
“How was your day?”
“You know, if you’re busy, you don’t have to keep me company.
“That’d make me a terrible friend Kino! I even missed your sweet sixteen last year.”
“I’m supposed to be happy on my birthday. No point being pouty because Mr. Pelletier doesn’t attend whatever birthday surprise ends up being planned.”
“Oh and who was the one who cried about me leaving?”
“Th-that was ages ago! I was a child in grade school. Besides, I’m not that lonely of a person you know. For your information, Keith made me a cake; Mayu and Nadako said they were going to have dinner with me tomorrow…; Eric got me a birthday present too! Can you guess what it is? I’ll tell you! It’s the limited edition concert DVD of one of Yuja Wang’s performances! I couldn’t believe he got me something but he did! I’m so excited to go home and watch it.”
“You’re only saying that cause I’m here~”
“You know it’s true.”
A moment of silence passed between the two of them. To Kino, it felt like ages since she had the opportunity to speak to Yuki. It was unnerving (especially since he just read her like an open book.) When did it become so difficult to initiate the smallest of conversation? Was this what it was like to become distant with someone you were so close with before? As Kino held her head low, she noticed Yuki’s bare hands. Her hand slipped into his, and her mittens folded over his frozen fingers.
“Your fingers are going to freeze off,” she mumbled with genuine sincerity.
Feeling the warmth return to his fingers, he grasp her hand gently; his fingers enclosing hers. It surprised Kino to discover how large his hands really were and for some reason, it comforted her.
“You’re really kind Kino.”
“Hmph! J-Just wear gloves next time! Someone like you should be able to afford something like that right?”
“Why would I do that when I could have you to keep my hands warm for free?”
Kino looked away with flustered irritation. It has been a while since she had Yuki’s entire attention; she almost forgotten how much of a tease he was.
Another awkward pause. Another moment of hesitation.
Yuki knew he was pushing it, but how could he contain the torrents of emotion that beat inside his heart? He couldn’t. He didn’t mean to tease, but it was the only way he could keep her at comfortable distance from him. He feared the Kino at present would not take him seriously. After all, she was already so involved with Eric. Yet, jealousy always got the better of him. For the time being, he just wants to leave a lasting impression on her, unaware of all consequences.
Upon arriving at the school, their hands fell to their own side, as if nothing happened. Yuki sighed, releasing the tension inside of him before turning to hand Kino’s bag to her when he saw that smile creep up on her face. It was unexpectedly refreshing. Was this a dream sequence?
“Are your hands warm?”
“Not this one.”
“Go like this!” Kino crossed her arms and pressed her hands against her armpits, “or you can sit on them. That works too.”
Yuki mimicked Kino and the two of them burst into laughter.
“I was kidding Kino.”
“I was as well. But it was worth seeing you look stupid.”
“You’re so cute. Wanna go to the roof?”
“No surprise party?”
“Nah. Mayu thought it be better if we spent a little time together.”
“Really?” she spoke with a hint of disappointment. She didn’t mind Yuki. But in all honesty, she would have preferred to have spent time with Eric. She was modest though, and grateful that he even thought of her as to so much present her with a gift.
“It has been a while. Will you be alright staying out this late? My lesson did go on for a while.”
“Don’t worry about it. I told you I was free didn’t I?”
Walking through the maze of hallways, Kino felt the awkward distance between them before disappear. Everything returned back to how it was just a couple years ago. Just talking to him brought a wave of nostalgic memories to her mind. She began to skip down the hallway, enticing Yuki to follow her.
“Neh, neh, Yuki! Remember that old melody I played when we were just kids? I’ve been trying to compose it into a full scale composition. Will you listen to it when I’m done?”
“Sure. I’d love to hear it!”
“Yeah~! I’ve gotten a lot better since the last time you heard me.”
“You better be. I’m expecting to see your name in the newspapers any day now!”
“Yuki, your expectations of me are a little too high for something that’s short term.”
“I’m just teasing.”
Kino got quiet again before turning around. She had a look of a curious cat.
“So when are you going back to New York?
“This weekend. Did you want anything?”
“Haha, I’d have to take you with me in that case.”
“Why don’t you?”
“I don’t think my grandmother would approve of me carrying around extra baggage.”
“Baggage?! I’ll have you know I’m 95 pounds! That’s underweight apparently!”
“Not like being underweight is a bad thing now that everyone is overweight right?”
“I’m more worried about how heavy you’ll be from just one weekend of nonstop eating.”
“You calling me a cow?”
Kino dashed to Yuki and gave him a good smack in the arm.
“Ow! That hurts! Jeez! If you’re worried about not being able to move, I’ll just carry you!”
“Oh so you agree, I’m just baggage?!”
“No that’s not what I mean! Gah! Don’t hurt me!”
Kino towered over the cowering Yuki. Her death glare was a force not to be reckoned with. Of course she couldn’t keep serious for long.
“Bahaha! Ow my stomach hurts hahaha!”
Kino roared with laughter, holding herself as her abs constricted. The butterflies in Kino’s stomach began to flutter because of the happiness that welled up inside her. All this from just having Yuki be with her on the day she dreaded the most for so long. It doesn’t seem all that strange anymore.
“You know Yuki…I’ve never liked my birthday. But it’s so strange. I remember the old times we were together. I wasn’t truly happy then, but now it seems different.”
“I’m glad Kino. I’m really glad. I was starting to think you didn’t need me as a friend anymore after that last punch.”
“I don’t think that’s how friends work Yuki.”
Yuki was fully aware from just watching her prance about enthusiastically. Her smile illuminated her face from the dim hall lamps. He never grew tired of it. He just wished he could cherish and protect it. Nonetheless, Yuki felt like he just accomplished something by making Kino laugh: it was an achievement in itself let alone making her smile. He felt more confident in his feelings towards her and his resolve to keep that age old promise he made back in grade school.
Eventually the two of them reached the top of the staircase to the roof. She let Yuki pass her as she was conscious that she was still wearing the school uniform’s skirt. As she climbed the ladder, she saw the hand stretched out to her. Without hesitation, she took it and was led out into the starry night.
At the top of a building, Kino looked at the stars in awe. She raced across the fresh snow, laying tracks in it.
“And you thought today would be another boring day,” he said, trying to follow the gaze of her dark brown eyes to the stars, but her giggle was what captivated his attention away from the stars.
“I really don’t know if I even deserve to be this happy, but I am. It’s so unusual…”
“You smiling so much in one day is strange,” he turned around, grinning at her with that smile that always made her turn red. He then motioned for her to come closer to him. Kino curiously returned to his side. She innocently stared up at his face, causing his hand to shake as he fumbled through his pockets.
“This is for you.”
Kino saw the necklace that lay in his hand. The chain was gold, and the main pendent was heart shaped with a glimmering diamond like stone. He unclipped the clasp that joined the chain together as she stood there staring in shock.
“But…I can’t accept this! Didn’t that cost a lot? I didn’t even ask you to get my anything.Well, I never do. Still!”
“Just take it.”
He put it around her neck before Kino could say another word. Still not sure, she held it up to her face. The diamond heart pendant gleamed in the moonlight.
“Indecisive as ever. You don’t really change do you?” he chuckled.
Kino looked up at him, not sure what to think (there seems to be a trend here.) She was just happy.
“What? What’s with that look? I actually picked this one out myself. Without Mayu’s help this time! See it’s really similar to the one in the manga right? Or are you surprised that I remembered? Idiot~ It’s been 6 years; I should know when your birthday is. Besides, aren’t you supposed to be “Happy” when it’s your birthday?”
“I am really happy,” she laughed, “Thank you. I’ll treasure it with all my heart.”
Yuki blushed, his hand on the side of his head, ruffled with his golden hair. He himself turned slightly trying to cover up his embarrassment. He quickly convinced himself to be confident, and so he spoke again, “You must have noticed it as well: we’re drifting apart slowly but surely. I know I already told you this but, I’m going to work hard to keep my promise to you anyway. If you’re ever hurt or sad, just call me. I know I tease you a lot; I know I ask for your help a lot; I know I’m not as good as Eric but I don’t want us to just fall out of being friends.”
Thump! Thump! Thump! Kino could feel something beat inside her. She’s only ever had this feeling with Eric so it couldn’t be a heart though, could it? It was as if Yuki’s monologue was working her up, trying to get her to anticipate what comes next. She didn’t want to think too much into it but she was conscious now.
“Happy Birthday Kino.”
March 22, 2011 § Leave a comment
Yuki stood at the entrance of the music building. Once seeing Kino finally coming down from the piano studio and their eyes met, he chuckled and continued watching her rush over.
“I’ll carry your things.”
He held his hand outstretched, hopefully to prompt Kino with some sort of surprised reaction.
Kino slowed down her steps till her feet came to a halt just before Yuki. She gripped her tote bag tightly in her dry hands, her cheeks puffing in and out. She was reluctant to hand over her belongings to him. It was rare of him to offer; rare of her to see just him. She’s grown accustomed to her rather large circle of friends that it was nerve wracking when it was just the two of them.
Technically I have most of this chapter written up because its short, but I felt like it could flow a bit better so I’m still working through it over again. Originally I was gonna write Kino’s day and interactions with her expanding world, but I deciced to keep it simple since that involve me introducing a gajillion random characters.
To give everyone a sense of timeline, this is set when they are in grade 11. By this time, Yuki has already realized he loves Kino but he has some conflicting issues. Kino is still crushing on Eric and this won’t change until the Grandia Ball Gala whatever chapter.
June 6, 2010 § Leave a comment
In the usual music room, Kino sat at the piano, blazing through musical passages after passages. Her piano teacher watching from the side, her expression stern and serious. Was she not pleased with the music? Somehow it felt rushed. Somehow it felt emotionless. Somehow it felt like nothing but noise.
Kino’s hands slide off the keys as she looked at her teacher. Her eyes and smile were noticeably less brilliant than before. Everyday she’d grow more weary, and tired as the shadows beneath her grew.
“Who are you playing for?”
“No, that’s not what I meant. At this rate, you’re not going to make it onto the competition circuit.” The teacher would look at Kino who was trying to find an excuse.
“That’s enough for today. It seems you’re not in the mood to play. If you manage to get on the circuit, we’ll have lessons accordingly,” her teacher spoke, as if this would be the last time she would be seeing Kino.
Why her teacher wasn’t satisfied, Kino didn’t know. She was already at her limit. She couldn’t keep up with Yuki, and her dream at the same time. Always tripping, falling, making mistakes. All she wanted to do was close her eyes and drift into a dream, never waking up. But she was too prideful to quietly disappear. Kino knew everything around her was falling apart. Why she bothered to fool herself into thinking there was no problem? No idea.
Kino would gather the fabric of her kilt into her clenched fist in frustration. She heard the click of the door opening, and its slow squeak. But she dared not turn around to see who it was.
She lowered her face and let her fringes cover it as if not willing to show Eric her pathetic face. Eric blinked, watching her, walking towards her and sitting with her on the edge of the bench.
“I made a mistake again.”
He sighed, looking at the piano and the book opened in front of her.
“Did you need something, your highness? I thought you would be socializing with the ladies.”
“You’re making me out to be some sort of playboy! Ahem! Anyway, I was told to come here, so no. I’m just checking up on my favourite pianist.”
“Well there’s no problem here…”
Kino looked at her hands and sighed. She would remember the time just having Eric in the same room as her would make her smile, but not even that could salvage the bittersweet look on her face.
“Hey, I won’t say I’m a genie in a bottle, but if you ever need me, I can grant you a wish or two. Also get some sleep tonight.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
Kino would walk down the hallway, hearing things about the competition announcement tomorrow, and luck. But the all the words would swirl around in her head. Will she be fine? Sure she will. That’s what she kept telling herself. But deep down, she knew that she’d fail even more, and keep falling behind. There was nowhere to go for her. She could barely carry herself down the hallway as darkness kept trying to win her over. Hearing the cheers of girls in the background squeal, “Yuki’s here!” snapped her out of her trance.
Kino gripped the gold pendant in her hand tightly. Trying not to show Yuki her knees shake as she stood before him. How lowly she was to cling to that small bit of hope. Yet she couldn’t help it. Why did she feel so relieve to see him? She was so scared that he would never come back to see her again that her insides would squeeze and leave her gasping for air. But she so desperately hoped that she could keep seeing his smile and hear him call her name. She knew that he was busy with Lily, and work. Yet she wanted to believe that there was a place for her in his heart.
“Are you going back early again today?”
“Yeah. Sorry Kino. Did you need me for anything?”
Kino’s fake smile twitched as she tried to hold the disappointment back.
“Ah, no it’s…”
Her voice died out as she looked to the side, her bangs covering her eyes. Her smile was frozen like plastic. Her hand curled up into balls of fists as she tried to control the emotions that raged inside her. Yet Yuki noticed all of it, the tired look on her face, the subtle shaking of her legs, and the dullness of her complexion.
“Kino, is something wrong?”
“No its nothing,”
“You know what; I’m going to take you out for dinner tomorrow.”
Kino quickly looked up, her smile grew awkward, “don’t you have to catch up on school work?”
“I’ll have you to teach me. So don’t worry about it ok? I’ll meet you at the lockers tomorrow ok?”
“But I won’t have anything to wear and—“
Yuki’s hand reached for her and gently patted her head. Her eyes peered through her long hair to see his carefree grin. She blushed, and suddenly her sinking heart started to race.
“I told you. Don’t fret ‘kay?” He would tell her after ruffling her hair. She was left frozen once again when his hand returned to his side, as if the sudden electric shock of being unplugged while still being on left her paralyzed. She watched his back walk further and further away from her.
Kino mindlessly practiced to the depths of the night, until the dawning of morning. Every time she thought of Yuki, she would quickly dismiss it knowing that if she chased after him, he’d disappear from her grasp. She felt pathetic, and incredibly stupid for trying so hard to deny something she wished never existed or never knew it existed. As she continue to fight against the shadows that threatened to consume her, Kino decided to linger in the halls before anyone else got there. Circulating the perimeter and passing by the board so many times. When she looked up at it, she showed a weak smile before lowering her head and continued wandering towards an unknown destination.
Mayu took her seat in the classroom, and almost instantly Keith would poke his head through the windows to the hallway. After half a year she felt so accustomed to it already that she wasn’t surprised one bit.
“Morning,” she said with a smile before noticing the shocked look on his face, “what’s wrong?”
“It’s Kino. Is she here yet?”
“No, what happened? Is it Yuki?”
“The results are posted.”
“I’m sure she—“
“And her name wasn’t on the board.”
There was a pause. Unbelievable.
“But if she doesn’t make the cut, then what is she going to do? They’ll kick her out if she doesn’t—“
Kino greeted loudly, as she skipped into the classroom energetically.
“Today I finally got to homeroom on time!”
“Ahaha. Yeah, good job.”
“Yuki won’t be here until later today huh?”
Kino would feign curiosity as she looked at his desk and shrugged as if she didn’t care. Mayu noticed the forced smile and couldn’t bear to watch as she shifted her gaze to Keith. Keith gave a bittersweet smile. Neither Keith nor Mayu dare speak though. Neither of them was willing to be the one who breaks her. Little did the two know Kino was holding back her tears with sheer pride. She wanted to run away, run away so badly. But she didn’t, she couldn’t. She was far too stubborn and prideful to. She’d rather stop breathing than run away. She wanted to wait for Yuki, wait for him to save her. She kept telling herself he wasn’t going to come like he used to, and yet she continued to fantasize about him flying to her rescue or white horse.
“Nadako, what do we do? I don’t know what to do. I want to help her but at the same time…”
“We can’t do anything…Eric’s been telling me she hasn’t slept for days or eaten anything but cookies for a many days now. I tried offering her lunch but she wouldn’t eat it.”
“It’s all Yuki’s fault. I don’t care anymore. Keith you go beat him to a pulp.”
“Yes ma’am. But may I ask why can’t you do that?”
“I don’t want to have anything to do with him anymore.”
“That jerk Yuki can die in a hole for all I care. Treating Kino this way…she doesn’t deserve it!”
Nadako tried to quiet Mayu but it was too late. Kino who heard their conversation simply laughed. Her head hung low for she couldn’t raise her head to look at them directly. It was true. Yuki was a jerk. She didn’t deserve this. She worked really hard to stay here. She tried her best. Yuki was the one who pushed her after all. It was all Yuki’s fault! That was the one thing Kino couldn’t say. Cause she knew as soon as she started doubting him, she would truly have nowhere in this place to go. She felt so silly acting all depressed over a boy and some bad results.
“Yuki…He’s just busy…that’s all. It’s ok. It’s not like I’m a nobody. I’m his friend…If he doesn’t want to see me that’s fine.” She laughed again, as she saw him disappear between her fingers.
“You guys don’t have to worry about me. I’ll figure it out.”
As Yuki slipped out of her grasp, she could see Lily up ahead of him. She tried calling for him. Crying in vain, she would fall to the ground and ask him to come back.
“Kino?” Lily would call out to Kino.
Suddenly reality and dreams were separating like two different solutions of varying densities.
Kino raised her head to Lily. Her dark eyes and pale complexion was almost sickening to Lily that she had to close her eyes. Lily walked up to Kino and sat on the desk in front of her before smiling. Kino shivered slightly.
“Can I talk to you for a bit?”
“You know Yuki and I are going out correct?”
“No I didn’t.”
“Well, I’m not trying to say you guys can’t be friends, but just…don’t hang around him,” Lily said as if some ungrounded authority gave her the right to look down on Kino. Kino’s eyes narrowed as she spoke back, “you can’t dictate whether I’m friends with Yuki or not.”
“I guess you’re right, but you know he still pities you right? I wouldn’t be surprised if his grandmother dislikes him because he keeps neglecting his work! If he had only listened to me, Yuki and his family company wouldn’t have had to suffer as much as it is now. He should really focus on what’s important to him you know?”
“It isn’t his fault! Why does everyone not realize that he does a lot of great things? Compared to me, Yuki is a hard worker. He’s kind, even to someone like me! If it is anyone’s fault it should be…me.”
“Kino, is it really your fault? I mean, you weren’t planning to distract Yuki from his obligations, right? No no, you did nothing wrong,” Lily tried to comfort Kino but couldn’t hide how content she was with the flow of the conversation.
On the other hand Kino was panicking. They were already dating? Then it’s already too late for her. She thought how selfish she was; how greedy of her to want Yuki all to herself. She worried about him because she didn’t want him to get hurt, telling him to make his own decisions because she thought everyone else around him was wrong. Her chest cringed at the thought that she was the cause of his suffering, that the only reason she didn’t want him hurt, was because it hurt her. What if the only reason Yuki was hanging around her because she wanted him to? Cold sweat rolled down the back of her neck as the dark shadows from the past started towering over her. Suddenly an image flashed into her head, a dream. She was running towards something, but it turned out to be nothing.
“I hope you think about your position.” Cause he’s mine, was what Lily thought in her head as she stood up to leave Kino in the empty classroom. Lily satisfied with tormenting Kino, decided it was time to go home. Eric then appeared before her with that enigmatic grin.
“What does the King want with me?”
“Little princess, I have come to ask why you are stirring some trouble among my subjects?” Eric spoke playing Lily’s game.
“Oh, and what do you mean?”
“I can’t have you ruining my perfectly planned chess game,” he was referring to Kino and Yuki, but Lily didn’t understand, “in a game of chess, there’s no room for a fantasy princess. I also can’t have my knight running off when he has much to do.”
“You lost me…”
“I was merely playing the game of pretend you started.”
Lily felt ridiculed and mocked as Eric continued with his jest.
“What did you say?” he looked over to her with a serious look. However he had to specify, “to Kino.”
“It’s none of your business.”
“Oh, disobeying the King’s orders. That’s treason you know?”
“So you like her? Great, then why don’t you make her get her filthy paws off Yuki already?”
As Lily was about to storm past him, he quickly grabbed her arm and threw her against the wall. The glass of the windows shook as she crashed against it. Eric violently pinned her there as he bore his fangs.
“If you’re going to play my game, then you better start by watching your mouth bitch. Now answer me. What did you say to her?”
“I just simply pointed out that whatever she was doing is hurting Yuki the most. That’s all. I don’t get it at all. Why is everyone so concerned about her? It’s always Kino, Kino, Kino. She’s just a naïve little girl.”
“More the reason why people watch out for her,” he said patting her on the head lightly, like dotting a little kid before he rushed off to the music room where he would find Kino.
Kino’s hand shook widely; her breath was heavy as she opened the piano top, almost dropping it. She breathed quickly gathered her music sheets and spread them widely across the piano, disorganized and scatted. Despite that she played, desperately. She could imagine tears fall down her face. When she listened to herself, she felt the music slipping from her fingertips, and disappearing from her, and yet the thoughts of Yuki kept spinning and recycling to the point where it was all she would think about. Eric listening from outside the other side of the door, he sighed before walking his hands in his pockets, as if he had to hide them from his mistakes.
The practice room became a hell hole, sheet music scattered everywhere, and water bottles thrown into the corner of the room. The music began to deteriorate into noise, and the once beautiful melodies began to decay. The mess grew larger and larger until Kino herself was about to shatter into pieces. It was stupid, yet no matter how many times she told herself that she couldn’t jump out of the hole.
The door quickly slammed shut, waking Kino up from her trance. She turned her head slowly and saw Eric sitting against the door, underneath the window. He motioned his hand desperately, telepathically telling Kino to play something. The chord was struck, and a scale passage was run through upon request. She could feel a tremor beneath her feet as a bunch of females ran down the hallway disrespectfully. As the slowest one passed by, Eric breathed a sigh of relief and collapsed onto the floor.
“Man, it’s not funny when they start chasing after me.”
“Shouldn’t you be used to it by now?”
Eric ignored the question as he sat back up.
“So missy, how’s life?”
“I don’t know.”
“This room has become interesting.”
“Want to accompany me to the music office?”
“Go by yourself.”
“How about I buy you lunch at the cafeteria?”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Kino, what can I do to get you out of this room?”
“I don’t know.”
“If you don’t give me a proper answer, I’ll just get Yuki to come drag you out.”
“He won’t come!” She barked back, her hands clenched in fists.
“Why can’t you just drag me out yourself?”’
“Because I’m the King. I let my knights do all the dirty work.”
Kino sighed, “I liked it when the two of you were princes.”
“Whatever, as King, I demand you come outside for a change of atmosphere.”
“I can’t leave this place.”
“What, you’re glued to your chair?”
“This is the only place left where I belong…if I leave, I might never be able to come back.”
She looked at her hands and watched as whatever hope she had left began slipping to the floor. The shine in her eyes completely gone. Eric wanted to hug her, but he knew that that wasn’t his job. He would continue to wait patiently for a chance to help her. He didn’t dare bring up the competition results, or Yuki. He knew she’d answer with “I’ll just have to work harder then.” A response he knew was impossible, because she was already beyond her limit. It was times like these he regretted letting her go, but she was the last person he wanted to lie to. He just simply sat there and listened to the music she played until the sun began to set.
Kino kept going. She wasn’t going to give up. She kept aimlessly moving in a direction. She felt like she rolled right back down a slippery slope. The noise wouldn’t let up. The more she tried to tell herself ‘try, try again’ the more Lily’s words would haunt her. She didn’t want to think that just by wanting to stay next to him was what was causing him to be unhappy. She didn’t want to think that she just wanted to see Yuki’s smile so that she too would smile. She didn’t want to think that she was helplessly clinging on to him. She’d rather stop breathing and fall instead of doubting him.
Yuki watched the sun begin to say good night, as he waited for Kino. He heard footsteps and turned his head hoping it was Kino but was disappointed.
“Ah Yuki!” Lily said surprised to find him at the door, even though she stalked him to the door, “do you need a ride?”
“No, I’m waiting for Kino.”
“Kino? Oh, I saw her leave already…”
“Yeah, she said she wasn’t feeling too well so she left.”
“When was this?”
“About a couple of minutes ago.”
Yuki started to walk out the door, going after Kino, worried as to whether or not she really was ok. But then Lily stopped him and grabbed onto his arm.
“Sorry, I have to run.”
“You haven’t heard about her yet have you? You shouldn’t follow her. It’s best you leave her alone for a while.”
“Lily, what happened to Kino?”
“So you didn’t hear huh? Kino’s going to be dismissed because she didn’t make it into the competition circuit this year. So it’s best you don’t see her. You’ll only make it harder on her.”
“That’s precisely why I have to go see her!”
“Do you like Kino?”
An awkward pause travelled through the air.
“Listen Lily, I—”
Kino shuffled her way to the exit and raised her head slowly wondering he Yuki was still waiting for her. But suddenly the world crashed in front of her eyes, as she watched Lily seal Yuki’s lips by stealing a kiss.
March 14, 2010 § 1 Comment
“How are you doing?”
The boy with brown hair, perfectly gelled as usual, grabbed a seat next to Kino, who was sitting at her assigned desk. She was doing the usual. A combination of JRPGs, and Skullcandy earbuds. Of course, that meant she didn’t hear Eric. She nodded in acknowledgement of his presence but didn’t give much of a thought to identify who she was acknowledging. Girls watching looked at Kino’s actions as criminal, while young males blushed at her coldness. After the Grandia Ball, it would seem that her popularity within the student male population increased. She noticed this as suddenly more people were beginning to interact with her. Something she felt slightly uncomfortable with. It was abnormal for Kino, but its common sense. Making her entrance in a school wide event looking dramatically more stunning than her usual indifferent look (school uniform, with hair bundled together in a clip,) would definitely spark some interest.
“Earth to Kino,” the boy pulled one of her earbuds out of her ear, whispering into it. Kino turning her head away from the screen looked at Eric straight in the eye before jumping out of her chair and collapsing into the wall.
“Hahaha, surprise! Did you miss me?”
“Miss you? Like I’d take the effort to miss someone who just scared the daylights out of me,” she spoke bitterly as she returned herself to her chair and game. Her right eye twitched as she saw her party receive the finishing blow. She let out a frustrated sigh before turning it off, her anger definitely showing as she violently tossed the portable system into her bag, almost missing.
“Violent today aren’t we. Anyway, did you have fun Friday night?”
“I’m not quite sure.”
“You must have met up with the Pelletier boy right?”
“So what if I did?”
“I’m just curious. I’m also curious as to what his reaction would be if he saw me sitting here.”
It wouldn’t take long for Eric to find out, as he suddenly fell of his chair, as if he was yanked off it and pushed to the side.
Kino who watched it all happen wasn’t amused, but as soon as Yuki flashed that smile, she turned bright red. She tried to cover most of her face with her arm, as she leaned against it looking away. She wanted to respond, but she was too scared her racing heartbeat could be heard just by opening her mouth.
“I’m liking this,” Eric said, as he now stood over the two of them with an enjoyable grin.
“Eric, would it kill you to leave?”
“Why? I was just having a conversation with Kino.”
“That’s precisely why you should leave.”
“Ah, don’t be such a downer. See, we’re all friends here right?”
“Ouch. You must be really hate me now don’t you?”
“Hate…I don’t think that’s strong enough.”
“Oh ho! Hold your horses there. Just because I like you, doesn’t mean my father will go easy on you if start anything, ya’ know? But do whatever you want, I’m going to have a conversation with Kino, and you’re going to watch me in Jea-lou-sy~” Eric purposely sounding out the last word to push Yuki’s switch, but the one who slammed their hand down on the table wasn’t Yuki…
The force of Kino’s hand slamming against the table, managed to push her off her chair as she yelled,
“WOULD THE TWO OF YOU JUST SHUT UP?!”
She breathed in heavily, glaring at the both of them before kicking her desk, and stomping away.
A familiar face waved to her, but Kino was too blind in anger and frustration to even notice her.
The two boys watched Kino as she stormed out of the classroom, while Nadako took her seat next to Kino’s now absent desk.
“Yuki, please go after her or else she’s going to be late for form again,” she spoke calmly, but with a hint of annoyance for Nadako was counting the number of times Kino is late for class, and she knew that being late too many times would warrant a detention. She was also counting the number of times Kino as left the classroom, in the same fashion, with great annoyance.
Kino peered through the windows, leaning against the warm heater, making sure not to burn her leg by touching the metal part. Squirrels and birds would often pop up from underneath the ivy that comes right to the edge of the glass, and around. It was one of those days where the weather wouldn’t make up its mind, as if it was confused as to whether it should be sunny, or cloudy. Just like how Kino couldn’t understand what she was thinking.
“You got something on your mind?”
“It’s coming soon,” she spoke calmly, but her insides were shaking. The two feelings were so similar, yet on a totally different scale of intensity. That feeling she used to harbour for Eric, yet was completely erased. It was strange, and frustrating.
“I wonder if the weather is going to let up.”
Kino wondered too, when will things start making sense? She shook her head and clapped the palms of her hands against her cheeks, trying to wake herself up. But that didn’t work out to well. She turned around to Yuki with a pout that was too cute for him to even think of being worried about her. He laughed at himself for even thinking there was something wrong with Kino, placing the palm of his hand against the cheek that appeared the reddest and stroked it with his thumb with that charming smile.
“Silly, don’t try to hurt yourself to wake yourself. It’ll ruin your cute face.”
Kino jumped back into the heater, almost burning herself, her heart skipped for a second there. There really was something wrong with her.
“So, should we meet at that spot?”
“It is the best spot to make wishes…”
Yuki chuckled at her silly idea, his enthusiasm and energy just seemed to have outmatched hers for once.
“Sure. I’ll bring the tent.”
And she wondered to herself…
The sun was setting, the colour red travelling the farthest as Kino skipped to her locker to retrieve her things before walking back to the dorm. As she was about to turn the corner she heard Yuki and Lily conversing, and if she wasn’t curious, she would have just walked into their conversation.
“I’ve arranged with your attendant that you will be having dinner with my parents and I tomorrow at around 7. Of course, we will be going downtown, so make sure you arrive promptly to pick me up.”
“Why do I have to pick you up?”
“Just do as I say.”
“Fine, but I’m only staying for an hour.”
“What? But you would have hardly eaten anything then.”
“2 hours at most.”
“Yuki, don’t be absurd.”
“Well then I’m not coming. My grandmother already explained to your parents we won’t be signing it, and you aren’t going to be able to convince me either.”
“Why do you keep thinking I’m acting on my parents behalf?! Yuki, I’m tired of you making me out like I’m sort of puppet. I have a mind of my own too and what if it just so happens that I just wanted to have a simple dinner between the four of us?”
“Then I’d think you’re a complete psychopath who wants in my pants,” he said bluntly. It was something new for Kino. He was always teasing her, but never has she heard him talk rudely to someone else.
“I will see you tomorrow.”
She stood there silently, listening to the bang of his locker being shut. Holding her books tightly in her arms, with a surprised expression, she wondered if there was more to the situation between Lily and him. She realized only afterwards that Yuki might not be able to come see the meteor shower tomorrow with her. She sighed as Lily came around from the corner. Her emerald eyes and matching stud earrings glimmered in the sunlight as they stared down Kino as she walked by casually, “if you were looking for Yuki, you just missed him.” She smiled at her with a perfect set of pearly whites, lips glossed evenly, and symmetrical no matter what angle you look at it from. Her very presence made Kino sick to her stomach.
“I wasn’t looking for him, I was merely returning from my last class.”
“Oh really, I hope so. It would be terrible if you were cause—“
Kino closed her eyes and proceeded to ignore Lily, walking by her to her locker. Lily looked at Kino shocked that she just walked away from her, as if that’s never happened to her before! Spoiled bitch.
And she wondered to herself…
It was a usual morning, Yuki waking up to the uncomfortable atmosphere, in his king sized bed.
“Good morning Young Master Yuki.”
“Today’s breakfast is French toast with fruit yogurt. Would you like Coffee or Tea this morning?”
“Coffee, the usual.”
“Right away sir.”
This was a standard conversation at the Pelletier’s household. When Yuki walked out of his room dressed for school, a man in a suit nods his head to Yuki and greets him, “Good Morning Yuki. You’ve returned to the main mansion,”
“Just for the night Sir Odin,” he smiled pleasantly, as he slowed down his pace to walk with the man to the main foyer.
“I’m sure you understand the Pelletier’s stance on the Bloomsbury’s agreement after yesterday’s business meeting.”
“It seems they’re trying to use their daughter as a means of delegation.”
“Which I am aware of. I don’t plan to keep long at the dinner meeting. Although, it is a pleasure to meet with the Bloomsbury, I do want to make sure that myself, and the Pelletier’s are clear.”
“Hahaha, that’s my nephew. Besides, you don’t seem too interested in that Lily girl of theirs. I wouldn’t put it against ya’. She’s too much of a hassle if you ask me.”
“She does hold herself in high respect.”
A maid bows as the two of them exit the main doors and out into the drive way.
“Well I will see you next week then.”
The car door shuts, and Yuki is driven away.
It was the same car that would then take him and Lily to their restaurant destination. Yuki resting his head against his fist, looking out the window as the car passed by boutique stores and designer brand names.
“Yuki, have you been to see any movies recently?”
“The Japanese one,” he sighed. It wasn’t like he was too lazy to remember the title, he was just too lazy to inform Lily. He was anxious, watching the sun set slowly and the dark blue sky begin to appear on the other horizon.
“Ah, that animated film. I heard excellent reviews on it, but I found the summary far too childish for me. Ahahaha…” Lily laughed to herself, haughtily.
Yuki was anxious, one of his leg shaking up and down as he counted the seconds that went by, waiting for the clock to strike.
“Sorry I can’t come.”
“That’s fine. We usually go by ourselves anyway,” she gave a weak smile to Nadako.
Kino looked out the setting sun, packing the baggie of cookies last in her backpack.
She heard a knock on the door and stood back up looking at the door into her room.
“You called?” Eric opening the door fully, revealing himself fully to her. The awkward hesitation from this morning gone.
“Mind giving me a ride home tonight?”
“Weren’t you going to stay at Pelletier’s place tonight?”
“I highly doubt he’s even going to show up,” she her smiled stretched even more, tilting her head, acting as if the whole situation was hilarious.
“Wait, Kino, if you want me to walk you home I’ll meet up with you—“
“Nadako should just get some rest. I don’t want you passing out in the middle of your contest.”
“Alright, if you say so…You aren’t worried I’ll do something to you?”
“Silly,” she giggled at Eric, “You would have tried already if that was the case.”
Eric looked at her and smiled shaking his head as if she completely figured him out.
“Give me a call then and I’ll drop you back to your room.”
This was how she was normally, abnormally cheerful and enthusiastic about the things that scared her the most. No use being upset, no use trying to cry. But for some reason she felt so wrong smiling.
And she wondered to herself…
As Kino climbed up the moist grass, equipped with flashlight, and a backpack filled with food. Sweat rolling down her face, acting as an adhesive for her wet hair. For some reason her chest would cringe as her determination and pride got in her way again. When she reached the top of the hill, she looked out in the dark and saw the vast black sky sparkle with the stars, planets, and the moon. Breathing in and out deeply, trying to recuperate from her trek, she pulled out her phone and checked the time. The screen illuminating against her face as the countdown began but no messages were received. After a few breathes, she turned off the screen and tightly squeezed her phone, as if she was trying to control herself from not throwing it over the cliff.
She sat down in the cool wet grass, and proceeded to snack away, at the bag of cookies, where there was room for two. She shivered twice, and closed both her eyes before looking up at the sky to see two tears sparkle by and blur back into nothingness like the feeling of Kino’s toes and fingertips slowly beginning to melt. Curling up into a ball, as she strained her neck to look up, she felt parts of her frozen cold cheeks feel something warm trickle down at the sight of more wishes were made. Not realizing the blurry twinkle in the sky were her own two misty eyes.
“I’d like to make myself believe…that planet Earth turns…slowly,” she hummed, as if she had no other wish to make as the night sky began to cry. Resorting to granting other’s people’s wishes rather than her own, as if she lost the human ability to wish. She was much too prideful, and stubborn to be selfish to wish for the happiness of herself and others. Her mind was blank, confused, murky. What was it she was trying to tell herself that she couldn’t understand? Kino pulled her hands towards her chest and closed her eyes, feeling her heart send waves of blood through her entire body. Of course it was normal to have your heart pumping out blood, but for some reason, she could feel her chest squeeze inside.
“It’s hard to say that I’d rather stay awake when I’m asleep.”
“Cause everything is never as it seems when I fall asleep.”
Kino turned her head, hearing the crackling of footsteps, quickly turning her so her face was facing the other direction, as a thick fleece draped over her shoulders, and the man settled down on the ground next to her, perhaps too close, for her to contain any sense of composure. Every part of her numb body stiffening as she felt the warmth radiate off him. The backpack he had on went thud and clink as it dropped to the ground, gently.
The boy reached for the cookie bag and popped it into his mouth casually looking straight at Kino, with his warm eyes, the light from the lantern illuminating the face she wished she could hide in the darkness.
“I thought you weren’t coming,” Kino spoke with unheard stutters, and chattering teeth.
“I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”
“Then, what was…”
With a simple glance of his golden eyes, he cut Kino’s sentence off, and caused her heart to stop.
With a simple touch of his large warm hands to her numb wet cheeks, her heart lunged into motion. With a simple call of her name, her heart was in a frantic sprint. Kino’s poor heart was about to explode and she couldn’t understand why. As if she was being squeezed by anxiety, the feeling of being frozen stiff by something so warm, the feeling of wishing and wanting she was void of before, she couldn’t comprehend it. They were all new, and unique to the function that was Yuki. It was only when Yuki’s forehead gently rested against Kino’s, his eyes closed as if listening to her silent debate, did she realize the proximity between her and Yuki was terribly close, too close.
Opening his eyes slowly he whispered “I’m right here.”
There was a long silence. Kino’s eyes were trapped in his gaze, his very presence places her in a maze.
“Yuki, there’s something wrong with me…There’s definitely something wrong with me,” her voice trembled, scared of what might be happening to her, but she couldn’t even describe her symptoms.
“What is it?”
“I’m freezing cold…” she chattered, and trembled.
Yuki laughed as he quickly grabbed a thick blanked and wrapped it around the two of them, his arm around Kino’s shoulders as he let her lean on him.
Kino, successfully denying whatever she wanted to say to Yuki, only kept thinking. Why does just sitting next to him make her heart beat? Why did just hearing his voice make her feel happy? Why did everything suddenly start revolving around him? It was a matter of time before Kino started to think that Yuki was like a vicious disease, and that his very presence was infecting her thoughts.
She slowly caved in, her mind going blank as her lips curved into a small smile as she let herself bath in his warmth. Snuggling up closer then what Yuki was used too, but he didn’t mind, and neither did she.
Kino’s frozen cheek slowly started to turn rose colour and she looked up at the sky mouthing out, I wish I knew why my heart is beating so fast.
“That’s Deben, Altair, Vega…” he pointed to the summer triangle. Kino looking up at the sky finally found Orihime-sama, but couldn’t help but frown when Hikoboshi-sama was no where to be found. [i]Isn’t she lonely?[/i]
“Yuki, why do you think people believe shooting starts make wishes come true?”
“I don’t know Kino. That make a lot of people’s lives easier if they knew right?”
“Then those who are unlucky, can get a chance too…you know?”
Yuki nodded silently. He was calm, yet nervous, trying to control his male instincts and let them get the better of him.
“It’s kind of sad when you think about it…,” Kino sighed as she saw two more stars shoot by.
“How sometimes we have to rely on something like a star to create a miracle.”
“How is that sad?”
“No matter how much you work hard, there’s always a force somewhere out there making the impossible possible for people who deserve it or don’t.”
“Wouldn’t that make things more fun though?”
Kino looked up at him and blinked before smirking, “since when were you the type who cared about having fun? Last time I checked, you had to leave my recital because of work.”
She spoke, biting her tongue with her remark, almost regretting she said it, but it was still true.
“You know I didn’t want to leave! I wanted to stay till the very end of your concert and congratulate you with a BIG hug!”
“Uhh, no thanks,” Kino looked away laughing nervously because knowing Yuki, he would have done it in front of the entire audience too. She wasn’t particularly too fond of igniting the rage of many of Yuki’s fans. Yuki smiled as he brought her closer.
“For making my night. You don’t know how dull my day has been.”
“You’re welcome then…”
As the light show died down, and as their yawns grew larger, the calm natural silence was stirred by the call of Yuki’s plain ringtone. Kino quickly sat up as Yuki reached for his back pocket. Slipping out of the covers they shared. The warmth from where she leaned against Yuki dissipated and froze again as she curled up shivering once again.
“Where did you go?” another girl’s voice was on the other line.
Kino sighed, the smile she had disappearing. Her eyebrows arched in a way that made her look disappointed, yet her eyes reflected emptiness. Yuki looked down at Kino’s back and sighed, ruffling his hair with his hand in frustration at the timing of the call.
“I told you I was going to leave early.”
“I know, but at least say good bye.”
“If I remember correctly, I excused myself from the dinner.”
“Don’t try and make my parents not like you anymore than they have.”
“Look Lily, I’m…the company is not interested in signing that agreement with your parents, so just let it go already.”
“Anyway, just come escort me home.”
“Wait, its 3 in the morning, why are you not home?”
“I should ask you the same question.”
Kino leaned forward, and crawled towards Yuki’s backpack and started packing everything for him, as if knowing he was going to leave. With a click of the buckle, and a zip of the zipper, she stood back up, folding the blanket. She didn’t bother looking at him, she just stood there frozen stiff.
“Why do you have to be so troublesome sometimes?”
“You tell me why cause my lips are sealed. Now hurry up or else my parents are going to have a fit,” the girl, Lily, hung up abruptly as she barked orders to Yuki as if he was her slave. He sighed in frustration before turning to Kino holding his stuff for him.
“It must be heavy for you…”
“I’m not as weak as you think I am.”
“Sorry about this. You can walk back to the dorm right?”
“I texted Eric already,” those words, the name shot through Yuki. It was hard to swallow the feeling he just had, as if it came to him as a shock. It was clearly written all over his face with a frown. Why couldn’t he be the one who took her home? Why was the world getting in his way? His wish was obviously not coming true tonight.
He held the backpack with one arm and glanced at Kino who had bear arms and legs. He tossed his coat to her, revealing a clean white dress shirt, wrinkled where she leaned on him. She caught the jacket by the arm and hesitantly slipped her arms into it. Yuki flashed a smile to Kino before turning his back and walking back into the woods. Just before he disappeared Kino rushed to the entrance and screamed out his name, “Yuki!”
Yuki quickly turned around, “what’s wrong?”
She looked at him with a scared look. She knew the two of them would have to part ways. She knew he’d leave her like this, but wondered.
“See ya tomorrow.”
She stood there, watching him disappear into the darkness, and the rustling slowly fading out. The sound of a car engine revved up and sped away, and Kino fell to her knees, she snuggled herself into his coat and breathed in an out, trying to keep herself composed. Because for some strange region, she felt something chip and tear inside. The magnitude of the pain was worst then anything she felt before. She was frustrated, extremely frustrated. How come she feels like the world was becoming an endless rollercoaster? How come the tears won’t come out? How come Yuki had such a strong impression on her?
And she wondered too herself…
May 1, 2009 § 3 Comments
“Hello, my name is Kino Pavane.”
That’s my name. I bowed to my new classmates politely, my hand holding onto my other arm tightly. I looked around scanning them, yet avoiding eye contact. Everyone had the same colour hair, black like mine. In Grandia, because everyone came from different places of the world you would see blondes, brunettes, red heads, and even the odd brightly pink dyed hair. Some girls were plain looking, and some painted their faces ready for the treacherous battle of love. The guys looked as carefree as men always are. That hasn’t changed. Everything was the same; the classroom had four walls, two lined with glass windows; a chalkboard at the front; and rows of desks. Nothing has changed. Nothing except the people. Yet, this feeling of anxiety and agitation inside couldn’t be erased as my nails dug into skin ever so slightly. They must have thought I was an excited new transfer student.
One of the boys “kindly” gave me a tour. I say kindly because he probably had ulterior motives, like everyone does.
It was a simple public school. The standard gym, track field outside, and classrooms. One thing I noticed is that the school was no where as huge as Grandia. They definitely picked the right name for that school, Grandia for Grande egos, sums of money. A school where little old me wouldn’t, couldn’t possible fit in. As we passed by a small practice room with an upright piano, I looked through the window and was disgusted at how I murderously made ears bleed. Sure I played, but if nobody could listened to me then there wasn’t a point trying to understand what Mozart, Beethoven, Chopin were trying to say, let alone myself. There was a reason why I never was able to move the audience, because I’m a terrible person at heart, a monster.
Can I take a picture of you?
They asked as if I’m some kind of tourist attraction. The girl told me to smile to the camera and I tried to remember how. More muscles are used to frown compared to the number used to smile. And even though it isn’t hard, for some reason it was excruciating. Like slitting your wrist, it’s not hard but it just hurts so normally people (who are sane) wouldn’t be doing that.
I stood up and tucked my chair in before leaving behind another day. A woman who blended in with the students, despite her out of uniform outfit, and grey hair, came up to me and gave me a few encouraging words. I smiled to her weakly and left.
“If you need anything don’t hesitate to ask,” the teacher called out to me kindly with a mature smile. When has this happened before? I faintly remember. It was déjà vu, but I was anticipating something to happen if I rushed out to the raw cold. There was a sea of chattering students disrupting the calm sound of winter’s snowfall. I loved the snow. I watched it fall gently into place as the burning sensation returned eating me away. My mouth trembled, wanting to say his name, but I forced myself not to.
The snow I loved burned my skin cold as some happy couple pushed me into a snow bank unknowingly. I stood back up and my plain expression amplified the non-caring atmosphere shielding each individual, including myself. I noticed a girl in my class was lassoing her arms around another guy, while telling another one to shut up. I looked away. I hate those kinds of people, the kind that wears the smile of a last Duchess. Not to mention the fact that she reminds me of Fiona because the only word in her vocabulary was “shut up.” But I have no right to say such things because I’m the same as her, unpleasant.
Then I return to my household, and was interrogated by a woman with a disturbingly pleasant smile. Sometimes I would wonder why she tries so hard to pretend to be my mother when both my parents died long ago. If there was anyone I wanted to drag across the city, it would be this obnoxious child.
“What were you doing?”
“I picked up the groceries.”
“You don’t need to do that.”
“I was walking along the way, I might as well.”
“You should have called and I would have picked you up.”
“We shouldn’t be wasting gas,” or else we’d have to bomb places to solve this childish problem called “climate change.”
“Why should a child like you worry about that?” why should a child be asking a child an adults question? The sound all became like mush as I shut myself in. I heard something like don’t disrespect and screaming, but why should I care? No use respecting someone who doesn’t act like an elder.
The day ends with nothing happening, with nothing changing, with nothing out of the ordinary. As if he never existed in the first place.
I eventually found myself returning to what I look down as society. A society where nobody cared, where nothing matters, and where time stands unchanged. I woke up, went to class, got satisfactory marks, and everything else I lost when I went to the dream world I retrieved. I wish I could return, but I reminded myself that happiness could never last, and that even if I returned, I would just end up being the annoying third wheel. It was nothing more than a fairytale, a dream, a figment of my imagination. He never existed, was never there. As long as I continue to deny and avoid the subject of existence, I will be ok. I think…
I heard a melody being played during break. It was familiar, and it was tragically left unfinished.
What kind of song is that?
Something I made up for my theory classes.
It’s very pretty.
But it’s not finished yet.
You might want to get on that.
There I sat infront of the black piano, made by a lesser known maker. As I recalled how that oh so sweet melody went, little by little, it began to fade, one note, one rest, one bar at a time. Each time, I felt my skin burn. Why did I play music? Why did I even start to learn to play on this large instrument? Why am I so hopeless without it?
“Umm, you’re Kino right?”
The girl’s face lit up, and was full of cheerfulness. Something I wish she would share.
“I’ve seen your recitals at Grandia, and I’m actually a big fan of yours. I’m studying piano at a small studio in the city, and I’m having trouble with my Chopin waltz.”
“So you want me to play it for you?” It wasn’t too hard to guess what she wanted.
“Sorry, I don’t play anymore.”
“Oh but please! Here, I’ll lend you my score; you don’t even have to play through the whole thing, just a little bit,” why was this girl so desperate for help? It’s not like she’s going to make it big anyway, so why try so hard? She’s probably going to give it up anyway.
“I’m sorry, I’m asking for too much. But just, after seeing you play the waltz, I was left totally speechless. It was amazing, and it really inspired me, and—“
“I’ll help you,” the words just suddenly came out of my mouth, and now I’ve put myself under the spotlight.
A waltz…it’s a type of ballroom dancing in ¾ time. I’ve played many waltzes in the past and I’ve never danced a waltz before, or have I?
“What’s that mean?”
“It’s French for easily, as in you should play with ease. Chopin wrote, played, and taught in that style. So when you’re playing your arms shouldn’t be ridged, but fluid.”
“I still don’t get it.”
I looked at the black and white keys; I put my foot down on the pedal, and tried to remember.
“Like this,” The first arpeggio was played, and the sound rang in my ears, the second and third arpeggio was played, and the sound resonated in my fingertips, the minor third in the high register was played, and the sound rippled in a pool of memories. This sadness came from the Earth like oil shooting out. The opening of the first theme followed, and I couldn’t help but remember that touch when our hands met, and when our feet floated on cloud 9.
“In order to achieve the right amount of tension in the arpeggios, fluidity in the arms is important. Applying force will only make it choppy, and that’s not what Chopin wants.”
“Ok. So maybe it’s like, you can’t dance the waltz with stiff body’s kind of idea?”
“Precisely. You just have to remember that Chopin never intended to have his music be accompanied by people waltzing around.”
“That explains the faster tempo.”
“Hmmm, I guess you could say that.”
“Could you play the whole thing for me? I’m sorry for being selfish, but I kind of want to here you play this again. If you want you don’t have to play for me now, I know! How about you play at our school festival?”
I didn’t know how to respond to such enthusiasm.
Opening the score and tracing my finger over the melody and the writing, before I gripped onto flesh and read it in my head, hearing everything as it all came back to me. The first time I touched the keys of my father’s piano was when that bitch took him and mom away. I hid in that room for days, reaching for books, and tears pounding away before my fingers. Without knowing it, I was infront of that old studio again, key in hand. I opened the door to darkness, and went in.
The name was Petrof this time. But no matter what the name was, nobody can ever steal him away for he was far too big to carry, or even move for that matter. To think I could just leave him, was idiotic of me for together, we make music.
People held their breath; what was going to happen next? A sudden short pause before I told a sad story, about a lonely person who just wanted to be true to her passion, and unchanged to her friends. But she was stalked by a shadow. The sunny skies were filled with stars, and the ground suddenly became clouds carrying everything away into the non-existing moonlight. Just when they thought I would let them off this ride, Petrof pulls everyone back on for the girl’s story was not done yet. When the girl’s heart wavered with feelings of unrequited love she smiled, freezing her tears. Nobody noticed at first, but she called out not once, but twice, only for me and Petrof to notice her shatter into pieces—when I shattered into pieces. Scattered across the audience, I heard the percussive sound of clapping. Before I knew it, I was picking up the pieces bit by bit, trying to piece myself back together, so I could play again.
I wanted him to hear my music. I wanted to waltz together again. I wanted him to see me, not the monster, but I can’t, for there’s nothing left of me as I peeled it off. I regret. Regret for leaving the dream, but unfortunately all dreams must come to an end as I looked down at my filthy hands.
“That performance, it was good—No, it was beautiful. The sadness was just overwhelming, but at the same time I could feel myself float.”
“Don’t be modest, the piano was out of tuned, and I haven’t played that since last December.”
“Kino, you should keep playing. I know you might not think you’re great, but you are! You really love the piano right? Why should you give up on something like love? That’s kind of silly if you ask me.”
I thought about those words. I wanted to make things right, but there’s no way I could ask him anymore. It seems after digging so far deep, I couldn’t climb back out of my hole.
I stood in a little huddle of girls. How I got here, I can’t remember. Something about how a concert pianist doesn’t belong here and because of my performance, everybody was talking about me. One girl blew a large bubble from her pink bubble gum, two other girls giggled. Another girl inhaled a cigarette’s poison and blew it back into my face, as if hoping I got second hand smoking. They were all “comforting” me because I was apparently kicked out of Grandia. I just threw a twisted smile and the girls all moaned in disappointment.
“It must be because some rich guy at Grandia threatened you.”
“Yeah, rich guys are all jerks, like Yuki Pelletier breaking up with Lily and Mayu just like that.”
Instinctively, I punched the girl. My blood suddenly boiled beneath my skin, and old anger resurrected from inside me. People were still blaming him when it was my fault. I hated it, people like them. I was hit across the face, and a cigarette butt was spat at me burning my white dress shirt, and stained it with nicotine. The other gasped and then soon commenced the torture.
Gum was placed in my hair, which was then soaked in water. Scented chemical fumes were sprayed without consideration as it burned my eyes and I was pulled from left to right by the roots of my hair, and pushed into the wall. I looked at them and they laughed at their trash. It was really funny watching them act as if they were all high and mighty, when this type of bullying wasn’t much. It was no different then when I was in grade school. But then they called their delinquent boyfriends so that I can eat my words. Off course I fought back, but this was a sign, this recognizable feeling of something corroding the walls of my insides.
“Excuse me, you aren’t from this school are you?”
“No I’m not.”
“I’m afraid I can’t let you in.”
“Oh no I’m just picking someone up.”
I was in the hands of the guillotine as the executioner was about to deliver my punishment. I closed my eyes and heard my name. I laughed at how God was toying with me and the scientific Doppler Effect. Despite the doubt, my heart was racing as if it said otherwise. A warm wind swished past me and I fell back to sleep into dream land. The world started to sparkle, I wasn’t sure if I had a concussion but…
“X marks the spot, time to dig out my buried treasure.”
“What are you? Some kind of pirate?”
“The King did a great job hiding the diamonds. But it was nothing.”
It was nothing, he said. I was still readjusting to one month of lost time.
“Who the hell are you?” inquired the boy as he obviously did not recognize him, but everyone else did and so they crowded around the scene of the crime.
“Nice of you to ask. Hello, my name is Yuki Pelletier, most people know me as the Pelletier’s president, but someone stole that title from me. You can just call me Yuki”
He cleared his throat trying not to show his irritations to my snide comment.
“It seems my girlfriend was causing some trouble here. Please forgive her.”
As instinctive as the first punch was, I smacked the side of his arm. There was no mercy. “Hey! Why are you mad?”
“I’m not…” He picked me up, and carried me off unwillingly before I could answer.
…and then we were in the back seat of a car. The still awkward silence did not affect the driver at the front. But anxiety filled the air as I looked one way, and he looked the other. My hand and mouth kept everything a secret. After an hour, I noticed nothing has changed. The tall evergreen trees were covered in snow, and the tall fence blocked outsiders like me from entering their castles. But it seems I’m being returned to my proper place, says the pirate who kidnapped me.
I breathed in the fresh mountain like air as I looked out into the sunset, and felt frustrated for some reason as I walked at a breakneck pace away from him.
I didn’t want to hear anything, but he continued playing this childish game.
“I can’t play with you all day,” I tried to tell him off seriously. I tried to move my feet, but they were rooted to the ground. What on Earth was I doing? My irritation burned.
“How long are you going to avoid me!?” He grabbed my arm with his warm hands, and I flinched for a moment.
“Ow, let go of me!” I said pulling it away, and hiding it behind my back, “sorry…” I apologized with a smile, as I looked at him hoping, just hoping he didn’t notice…
“I can’t believe it, you…”
I couldn’t do anything anymore but make excuses.
“It was an accident, you know? I was in a lot of fights and—, “ the sleeve was rolled up, and I closed my eyes. Not because of my own dirtied presence but because of the kind of expression he would have worn when he saw the evidence of the monster inside of me.
“What do you think you’re doing hurting yourself?”
“You think you can just smile the pain off, no big deal. You think you can just disappear into thin air without saying good bye, no big deal. You think its ok if other’s hurt you or if you hurt yourself, no big deal?”
Stop it. “I told you…” I didn’t want to hear it! I didn’t want to hear his angry voice.
When I willed myself to move, I collapsed into the cold snow, but it was all numb to me. I opened my eyes at the coldness of his words and saw something that had me perplexed. Melted snow? No…it was tears.
“You didn’t tell me anything! But refresh my memory anyway; maybe I’ll remember something not hearing!”
“Why does it matter to you?! Why does it matter whether I’m hurt? Why does me disappearing from you matter so much? Why does it matter if I smiling or not? I’m just a third wheel to you. A disgusting monster…“
“I love you!”
Yuki’s voice echoed through the open air. This wasn’t a dream.